House of Estrogen

Pending Litigation

You know our litigious society has gotten out of hand when you overhear this from the backseat on the way to camp in the morning:

NINA! You are so mean to me! I wish I could sue you!

* Elise is presently seeking counsel to represent her in her lawsuit against her sister. If you know of any attorneys who specialize in elementary school age sibling rivalry and who are willing to work within a budget of a four dollar per week allowance, please have them contact her.

Spelling Words

I just sat down at the computer, pulled up Microsoft Word, and Elise's spelling homework from last week was there. I just had to share a few of the sentences she wrote using her spelling words.

1. Although Nina is mean, I still love her.
2. Jaya wrote a compliment about Nina's bossiness.
3. I distrust Nina.
4. Nina likes to frustrate me.
5. I am a good influence to my younger siblings.

At least she still loves her... that's a positive, right?

 

 

A House of Estrogen Morning

Today started out the same as every morning. I was lying in bed half comatose watching Matt Lauer on the Today Show, putting off getting up as long as possible. Nina came in asking me to open a container of fingernail polish, knowing full well that I am completely incapable of rational decisions before 8 a.m.. I opened the polish and sent her on her way, lest she interrupt too much of my time with Matt Lauer. When I finally rolled out of bed, Addie modeled her new look, courtesy of Nina - metallic blue toenails, pink sparkly fingernails, bright pink cheeks, topped off with glossy purple lips. Nice. My three year old looks like a hooker, and I'm still not quite awake. I got dressed, told Nina for the 18th time to get herself dressed, and shuffled downstairs to start making lunches.

We have jelly issues in this house. I don't do grape. I'm a Trader Joe's cherry preserves kind of girl. The rest of the family likes boring old grape for reasons I'll never understand. I have been banned from buying their jelly though because I buy jam instead of jelly or jelly instead of jam. I can't keep them straight. They are both jars of purple glop...what's the difference? Anyway, that is just a little background into the jelly situation. J.C. used to buy the ginormous 8000 oz jars from Sam's Club, but by the time we would get to the bottom third of the jar, the lid would be so glued to the jar that we couldn't get it open. Recently, he switched to squeeze jelly, thinking it would be easier for the girls to use. Have you ever tried squeeze jelly? It isn't like toothpaste or ketchup or mustard that works well in a squeeze container. The purple glop adheres itself to the bottom of the container and is impossible to squeeze out. I worked on making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, cursing the squeeze jelly all the while. J.C. strutted over to defend his jelly saying, "I'll fix it. You just have to shake the jelly down." Then, in one powerful shake, jelly was EV.ER.Y.WHERE....on the ceiling, on the walls, on the floor, on J.C.'s back, on the cabinets, on a wall hanging. I don't think he could have sprayed jelly farther if he was trying. Then Addison burst in to tears, wailing, "I don't like jelly on the ceeeeiiiiillllliiiinnnnggg."  J.C. started cleaning up his sticky purple goop while I consoled the poor jelly-terrified child. Then from the upper level, we heard screams of "OWWW!! Don't kick me!", "You kicked me first!" "But I didn't kick you hard." When I finally calmed Addie down, assuring her that her Daddy would get all the jelly off the ceiling, it was time to get her dressed. That can't be accomplished without tantrums (from both her and me), but I came out victorious, managing to dress her in everything but shoes.

Fortunately, I had a well-timed morning meeting, so I got to race off to work, leaving J.C. to get everyone off to camp and preschool with lunches, blankets, jackets, snacks, water bottles, assorted necklaces, coins, rubber frogs, and other necessary paraphernalia.

Can you see why I'm not a morning person? Do your mornings resemble ours? Or are we the only ones with sticky ceilings and three year old hookers in the mornings?  Why does every day have to start with a morning?

I'm heading off to bed now, where I plan to stay until noon. No more mornings for me. I just can't take them any more.

 

Oh the Estrogen!

J.C. is once again off in the mountains of West Virginia swooshing down the ski slopes on his downhill bike. (Can you call that swooshing? Probably not. J.C. will likely scoff at that sentence. Oh well, he isn't here to correct me.) His absence means this house is ALL estrogen right now. As the evening rolled around to bedtime, and I looked back on the day, I thought I could consider it a success. Despite sleeping too late, only making one lunch, missing the bus, and eating the unhealthiest of dinners, we were managing pretty well. We hadn't had any huge meltdowns, fights, tantrums, or breakdowns. Then, suddenly without warning, toothbrushing turned into a brawl. How does that happen? One minute, they are walking into the bathroom to brush their teeth. The next minute, screaming ensues, Nina is on Elise's back with her arms wrapped around her trying to grab a toothbrush out of her hands, and then Elise somehow manages to kick Nina in the crotch. I admit feeling a tinge of pride at her precise crotch aim. That could serve her well as a teenager or young adult. That said, the evening took a horrible turn downhill at that very moment. Both girls were crying. I was yelling as I pulled them apart. Nina was in pain. Elise was mad. I was mad. Emotions were at an all-time high. They both went to their room bawling and Nina declared that I hate them. Them? No. Their behavior? Yes. A few minutes later, Nina came to me and apologized for her behavior. With huge crocodile tears streaming down her face, she choked out, "I'm just really fragile today because I... miss.... my... Daaaadddddyyyyy." I let her call him, and sobbing away, she and Elise told him how much they miss him and want him to come home. With J.C.'s help, I finally got them calmed down, tucked Elise into her bed and Nina into mine.

Hopefully a good night's sleep will restore us all. If not, we may be in for a wild ride tomorrow. Wish us luck.

Spelling Words

One of Elise's assignments each week is to write sentences using each of her spelling words. These were three of her sentences this week.

• problem: Nina is my problem.
• lesson: Nina learned her lesson.
• victim: I am usually the victim when Nina and I fight.

I'm sensing a theme....

And It All Comes Crashing Down

J.C. and his biking buddies made it safely to Snowshoe on Wednesday. The deer who chose to jump in front of their fully loaded van and trailer did not safely arrive at his destination, sadly. J.C. claims the van is "drivable" and will get them home though. I hope so.

I rocked the single parenting gig for about 48 hours - everybody was fed, dressed, to school on time, with homework done. I juggled tumbling for one kid and jump rope for another with the other kids in tow. Stories were read, bedtimes were consistent and dishes were washed.

Then, this morning, it all came crashing down. The morning sounded something like this...

"SISSY!!! WAKE UP!!! SISSY!!! YOU NO MAKE MY TRAIN!!! SSSSSISSSSSSYYYYYYYY!! WAAAAKKE UPPPPP!"

"Mom, Sissy no make my train. That make me sad."

"Addie.... RUN to the bathroom right now!"

"MMMMOOOOMMMMM... Addie's poops are coming out of her diaper! She has poops on her foot."

"Mom!!  Nina spit on me!"

"STOP!! You're hurting your baby sister!"

"WAAHHHH!!  I want my DDDDDAAAADDDDDDDDYYYY!!

Ahhh... music to my ears... screeching out-of-tune migraine-inducing bagpipe music.

48 more hours...

12 Hours

The countdown is on... 12 more hours until EVERYONE GOES BACK TO WORK AND SCHOOL! Can you hear me singing from the rooftop? Should I video myself doing the happy dance?

I love my kids. I love my husband. I love spending time with them. Really. I do. That said... we NEED TIME APART! Too much togetherness does not a happy family make. The last few days, the kids have been counting down the days until they can go back to school. Their backpacks are ready, lunch boxes prepped, and clothes laid out.

The holidays were good. We ate too much, watched too much TV, opened too many presents, played games, and napped frequently. We also spent a bit too much time together, so we are welcoming Monday with open arms!

Toast To Monday! Clink!

With a Devilish Grin

J.C. recently purchased a cordless trackball for our desktop computer. Since he wasn't sure if the girls would know how to use the trackball, he left the mouse attached, so either can be used. Yesterday, Elise was playing on the computer using the mouse.  Nina grabbed the cordless trackball and sat down on the stairs that lead up to the office, within range of the cordess receiver. With a sly look on her face, she proceeded to move the mouse around Elise's screen. It took Elise a few minutes to figure out what was going on, and then the yelling ensued.

It was a mean trick, but so freakin' clever! She definitely gets some points for originality in a new way to torment her sister. I'm thinking that middle child of mine is going to win a reality show some day. She is like the poster child for Survivor's motto - "Outwit, Outlast, Outplay".  I fear the teenage years though because she will certainly be the one to outwit, outlast, and outplay her parents. I am afraid.... very afraid.

Is It Ski Season Yet?

I'm so ready for ski season. It can't get here soon enough. Didn't know I was a big skiier? Uh yeah... 'cause I'm not. The commencement of ski season, however, marks the transition from mountain bikers to skiiers riding the lifts up and then barreling down the mountains. During ski season, I won't hear, "It looks like it is going to be GREAT weather up at Snowshoe this weekend....". During ski season, I won't hear, "Since I bought a season lift ticket, it is practically FREE to go up there. It would be a crime not to go, what with the good weather and the lift ticket and all."  &*$% lift ticket.

Due to good weather and a season lift ticket, I find myself single parenting once again this weekend. Good times. Nina and Elise's screaming matches are at an all time high. Nina "accidentally" kicked Addie in the head this morning (although when you're hurling your feet wildly around people's heads as your frenzied mother yells, "Stop waving your feet around! You're going to kick one of your sisters!", can it really be called accidental?). Karma wins though. A little later in the day, Nina somehow managed to fall off the toilet and smash her own head on the floor resulting in a lovely forehead bruise. I still haven't figured that one out. I went outside for all of 10 minutes this morning and came back in with about 40 mosquito bites. After arguing over what to have for breakfast (what sort of warped 5 year old turns down going out for donuts?), we finally made it out of the house and to the Farmer's Market. Along with fresh fruits and veggies, I bought some locally raised pork sausage, all of which I left in the car when we got home. Nice. Can the pain from a UTI result in death? If so, I think I'm well on my way. To top it all off, just a few minutes ago, I discovered this lovely artwork on the bathroom door.

  

One might assume it is the masterpiece of a toddler, but odds are easily 50/50 that it is the piece de resistance of an unruly five year old. Considering her American Girl doll is once again in time-out for the star tattoos drawn all over her face, pink highlighter on a door is certainly not outside the realm of possibility.

Last weekend, one of Elise's Brownie friends was over here and said, "It is so crazy here. You guys have all these kids. I think you should have just had two." Gotta love the insight and honesty of a 9 year old! Maybe she was on to something though. Things are just... uh... a tad bit out of control.

So....here's to an early winter, lots of snow, and a long ski season! Here here!

 

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime

As overheard in the House of Estrogen this evening...

Nina: "DADDDDDDD!!!!!  Elise almost broke my ankle!!"

J.C.: "She *almost* broke your ankle?"

Nina: "Yes! She almost broke my ankle!"

J.C.: "OK. Let me know when she really breaks your ankle."

(a few minutes later)

Nina: "DADDDDDDD!!!!  Elise almost kicked me!!"

J.C.: "So, what do you think the punishment should be for almost kicking?"

Nina: "I don't know."

J.C.: "Elise - go get almost in time out!"