House of Estrogen

Not A Birthday Party

Birthday parties exhaust me - the invitations, the rsvps, the party favors, the food, accounting for food allergies, the craft projects with foam sticker backing pieces all over your house, the themed paper products ordered from Oriental Trading a bit too late and having to pay the exorbitant shipping, the pricey customized cake that is just perfect for the theme, cleaning the house for a party at home or shelling out $200 for a bounce house/bowling alley/ice skating rink/pottery painting/roller rink, and then hovering over your child the next two weeks as she slowly makes her way through thank you notes.  Parties are fun and exciting for about the first five birthdays. Then, they just become very draining. I love celebrating my children's birthdays in some way. The day is special. It is important. It deserves a celebration of some sort. It just doesn't have to be the Build-a-Bear chaos, pizza in a crowded food court, cupcakes on coordinating plates year after year type of special and important.

When my oldest was turning 10, I had an epiphany. I would create a rule... a "no more birthday parties after age 10" rule. Ten would be a big blow-out bash with a slumber party at a hotel, and then after that, done, finito, the end...  no more parties.  Maybe we would have a party for 13 (becoming a teen) and for sweet 16, but other than that, birthdays after 10 are something very low-key. Acceptable options are taking a friend or two out to lunch and a movie, or inviting a friend or two out to dinner and a sleep-over. The main stipulations are that it has to be cheap, easy, involve NO effort on my part when it comes to inviting or accepting rsvps, and there are no gifts or party favors.

Last year, Elise turned 13, so we did have a small party - pizza at a pizza joint near the movie theater with four friends, and then they walked to the movie theater. It was simple and low-key as birthday parties go.

This year, it was like she completely forgot the whole "no birthday parties after you turn 10" thing. She announced, "For my birthday party this year, I want to go to a movie and out to eat with C and T and M and S and N and J and B"  Um... no. My brain was calculating the cost of dinner and a movie for that many kids and knew it was quickly approaching the $200 mark. I reminded her, "No parties after age 10."  She said, "Then how about I just invite a few friends to the pool?"  "Done.", I replied. Pizza and cake for just a few friends served on paper plates leftover from previous parties... that I could manage. She was in charge of all the arrangements... inviting friends, making sure friends' parents had my contact information if they wanted to contact me (most didn't), and figuring out all the details.

For my role, I simply ordered a cake, ordered pizza, and picked up a few extra kids in carpool Friday afternoon. Easy peasy.

All in all, I think the "not a birthday party" was a success. I didn't scour the internet for paper goods or party favors. I didn't talk to any parents about allergies or whether or not it was a drop-off party. I didn't order any custom anything from Etsy. I ordered a grocery store cake with less than 24 hours notice and used the handy dandy Domino's Pizza app on my phone. All the kids had a great time. Elise felt like her birthday had been duly celebrated, and everyone had fun in the pool. "Not a party" perfection, I'd say.

Happy Birthday, Elise!!

First Day of School, 2015

Today was the first day of school.

Elise headed off to eighth grade, and in typical eighth grade fashion, she decided the dress code rules did not apply to her.  When I said, "Um... really? spaghetti straps and bra straps showing?"  She said, "Oh I have a T-shirt in my backpack in case I get in trouble."  Um. No. We are not starting off a new year with a dress code violation. I sent her back in to change. She seemed to have a great first day and likes her teachers so far.

Next we had nervous Nina heading off to middle school for the first time. Sixth grade is kind of a big deal, and thankfully, she survived. She only ended up in the wrong classroom once.

Then we have Addison...

who was clearly not at all nervous about second grade.

She and I are on our own now in the mornings. Nina was usually the one who kept us on track to make the bus on time, so it was no big surprise when we missed the bus this morning. As I was driving to school, it occurred to me that this was the first time in nine years of school that my kids have not taken the bus on the first day. Even in kindergarten, we always hustled them on to the bus, their backpacks weighted down with ten tons of school supplies. I drove along wondering how long the carpool line would be, assuming that many parents probably drive on the first day. Then, completely bewildered, I pulled up to a perfectly empty carpool line. It confused me until I looked over and saw the packed parking lot. Parents were walking kids into the building in droves. I briefly wondered, "Should I get out and walk her in? Is that what I am expected to do?"  I quickly pushed that thought out of my head though. If she is independent enough to get off of a school bus and find her classroom on the first day, then she can get out of my car and find her way as well. With that, I dropped her off as the one lone carpool kid of the day. I haven't decided if that makes me a bad mom for neglecting my first day of school parental duties or a really great mom for encouraging my child to be independent. I'm just going to go with the latter... makes me feel better. Don't judge.

Addison had a great day, and wouldn't you know... she found her classroom, all by herself.

Letter to Nina, Age 11-ish

Dear Nina,

I seem to have completely dropped the ball on writing letters to any of you on or near your birthdays. In the grand scheme of things though, it really shouldn't matter when I write these letters, as long as I write them once a year or so. At least I like to tell myself that.  That said, you had a big milestone this week, so what better time to write a letter!  Tuesday, you graduated from elementary school.

 

(First day of kindergarten picture)

You couldn't be more ready for middle school. At 5'7, you are now taller than every elementary school teacher you've had over the past six years. Not only have you physically outgrown the pint-sized chairs and desks, I think you have mentally moved beyond it and have just been ready for this chapter to come to a close.

 

After the ceremony, as friends in your class shed tears about their last day at the school and posed for pictures with every classmate, you eagerly held on to your diploma and exclaimed, "Can we leave now?"

 
It wasn't that you didn't enjoy your time there or aren't going to miss your friends who will be attending different middle schools. You had many happy years there and will definitely miss certain friends. You are ready to move forward though. You have seen what a great experience middle school has been for Elise, and you are excited about this next stage in life. You are ready for new friends, new challenges, and new experiences in a new school. For some of your friends, graduation day was an emotional day filled with sad goodbyes, reminders of elementary school memories and a slide show that tugged at their heartstrings. For you, it was simply the last hurdle to cross on the way to the finish line.

I am excited for you. I love that you are open to the new adventures that await you in middle school. As you love tell anyone who mentions middle school electives, your parents are making you take band next year. You love to point out what cruel parents we are to force this on you, but secretly, I think you may actually be looking forward to participating in band. You are such a music loving soul. You love to listen to music, find new songs on iTunes, and you thoroughly enjoyed playing the recorder in music class. Your one and only aversion to band is the stage appearance twice a year for the concerts. Your dad and I are taking the "we know what's best for you" role on this one. I predict that you will love it. Band has been such a positive part of middle school for Elise - the fun, the music, the band director, the friends, and the performances. We are hoping for a similar experience for you, and I think the many pros of band outweigh the cons of a little stage fright twice a year. How it all plays out remains to be seen though. We have assured you that if you hate it, you can drop out after the first year.

Right now, your major love is volleyball. You play any chance you get. Your goal is to be a manager for the middle school volleyball team in 6th grade and then play on the team in 7th and 8th. I think it is great that you've found a sport that you love. It is definitely a good fit for you.

 

Like band, volleyball was another activity we "forced" you to do. About a year ago, you had become rather sedentary. There weren't any activities, hobbies, or sports that interested you. We told you that you needed to choose something to do outside of school or we were going to choose something for you. You never made a selection, so without even asking you, I signed you up for volleyball. I didn't necessarily think you would love it. I wasn't even sure if you would like it. I just wanted you try something new. Of course, there was also that little overly optimistic voice in my head that said, "She has the height for volleyball... maybe she will love it, get really good at it, and get a scholarship." We are all allowed those pie in the sky parental dreams occasionally, right?

You played in a fall league for the team with the most losing record in the league. You lost every regular season game, but it hooked you. You had the time of your life. Last week, you started playing for a new summer league team which encompasses an older age group and higher skill level. I think you will grow and learn a lot as a player in this league. You plan to play in the fall again too. Volleyball has been great for you. It gives you a focus, an identity, a team spirit, and a great outlet for blowing off steam and getting some exercise.

Your other big interest lately has been sewing. You received a sewing machine for Christmas and have spent many hours designing, creating, and sewing. I think you enjoy the design aspect best. You are going to a week of fashion design camp this summer, and I'm anxious to see what you learn there. You have taken to doing a lot of "upcycling" - taking old worn out, outgrown, or out of style items from our closets and upcycling them into something new. This is one of your upcycled t-shirt creations.

 

I feel like this has been a big year for you... you have grown a lot, matured a lot, and really turned into the middle schooler that you soon will be. You have taken on more chores around the house and more responsibilities for taking care of yourself. If I need help putting Addie to bed or making her lunch, you jump right in. Of course, with this new tween maturity, we sometimes get the tween attitude as well. You have perfected a grimace that I have interpreted as a cross between, "I hate you", "You are the meanest parent ever", and "This is my evil look". Your glare with those piercing eyes can be a bit disconcerting. I'm hoping it is just a phase. Fortunately, you don't use it on us too frequently.

This coming year will bring a new school, new adventures, new friends, and lots of change. You seem wholeheartedly prepared and ready to tackle all of it though. And that... that is awesome.

I love you, Nina!

Love,

Mama

 

 

 

The Lesser Known Benefits of Jump Rope

Jump rope has done a lot for Elise. The most obvious benefit is that It keeps her active and physically fit. It also provides her opportunities to perform and challenges her in competition.

What people may not realize is that skipping rope requires some serious development of people skills too - negotiation, collaboration, communication, and compromise. Being in a double Dutch group is hard work. Three to four people are put together by the coaches with their different ideas, different skill levels, different strengths, and different personalities and are expected to work together for nine months to create, practice, and perfect a one minute routine. It can get ugly along the way, but when it all comes together, it is amazing.

Jump rope is also a team sport. Elise has all the camaraderie and team pride that comes from being part of a team. Unlike many sports where teams are grouped by age though, she learns from and has role models in the older athletes on the team, and she is able to mentor and be a leader to younger athletes on the team.

Every now and then, the really special moments come along when jump rope allows her to share her love of the sport, give back to the community, and create great memories all at once. Earlier this week, Elise's team spent an afternoon with a group of special needs middle school students. I'm honestly not sure who got more out of it or had more fun - the jumpers or these kids. The smiles in these pictures really tell more than I ever could in words.

What a fantastic day... and what a great experience she had through this crazy little sport called jump rope!

Midweek Brain Dump

I feel like there are all these odds and ends going on that I should blog about, but my brain can't catch up. Lots of things are happening. A lot is on my mind, but between chasing sleep deprivation, my decaffeination continuing, and J.C. out of town, I don't think a coherent blog post is going to happen any time soon. Thus, the midweek brain dump.

• Nina had oral surgery on Tuesday. I don't think I slept at all Sunday or Monday night in anticipation. She had two baby teeth extracted and two permanent teeth extracted. That was the easy part of the surgery. The awful part that haunted me at night was the tooth exposure she needed. I'll spare you a graphic photo of her mouth and show you this model of the procedure instead.

She now has that freaky little gold chain coming out from her gums to pull her tooth down in the right direction. It sounded barbaric and painful, but she weathered the surgery much better than anticipated. She can't eat much yet, but otherwise, she is fine. I'm still recovering.

• Did you know that tea bags are good for stopping bleeding? Now you know.
  

• Elise had her first experience with playing in pep band at a middle school football game... a fun first.
• My friend Allison Tate wrote an excellent essay in the Washington Post this week. She is such a great writer and always nails her topics. Way to go Allison!  Go read it. Parenting as a Gen Xer: We're the first generation of parents in the age of iEverything
• Ebola - holy crap. 
• I moved to a new office building this week. It is cool, posh, and modern, but moving is never much fun. Also, my new building doesn't have a Starbuck's like my old one did. That's a problem.
  
• I upgraded to iOS8... turns out it isn't recommended for the iPhone 4S. My phone now rivals a paperweight in its usefulness. Good times.
• We went out to Noodles & Company this week. We looked at the menu, and Addison said, "I want barf." As her sisters laughed, she got angry and indignant and said, "That's what I order here. I order the barf."  More giggling ensued. Finally Nina recognized Addie's error and saved the day when she said, "Addie - you like the BROTH! Not BARF!"  I'll never be able to look at broth the same way again.
• This is closing weekend for downhill biking at Snowshoe. Can I get an Amen?

First Day of School, 2014-15

Monday was the first day of school for us. When I tell people that, I invariably get the comments, "School in July?" or "I can't imagine sending my kids back to school this early!" or "That's just plain wrong!"  Starting school in July is all my kids have ever known though. Instead of twelve weeks of summer, they have three week breaks in summer, spring, winter, and fall. While my traditional calendar friends are paying a small fortune to go skiing the week of Christmas, we are taking a bargain winter vacation in early December. In the spring, when traditional calendar teachers, parents, and kids are feeling completely drained and burned out on school and homework, we are just coming back from a three week break, feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the end of the year. You may think we are crazy for having school in July, but compare what you spend on Disney World or the beach in the high season to what I pay in the off-season, and you would be singing the praises of year-round school as well.

Addison headed off to first grade this year. She was a bundle of nerves leading up to that morning, but she had a great day and says her teacher is really nice. Both Elise and Nina had this teacher in third grade, so we know her well and like her a lot.  Addison was especially anxious about finding her classroom, but Nina helped her out. Sometimes, it is nice to have a big sister.

Nina started fifth grade this year - top of the school! She likes her teacher too and has some good friends in her class.

Elise's first day of seventh grade was like a comedy of errors. She really didn't know whether to laugh or cry when she got home. The air conditioning was out in the seventh grade building. Clearly, the July school start date is a disadvantage when it comes to air conditioning problems. They weren't assigned lockers or gym lockers on the first day, so she had to carry around 10 tons of school supplies, gym clothes, sneakers, a lunch box, and a locker shelving unit all day long. That's especially fun with no air conditioning. The real kicker of her day though was finding out her lunch time. She has lunch smack in the middle of P.E.  Yes, really. Twenty-five minutes of P.E., then twenty-five minutes of lunch, then twenty-five more minutes of P.E.  Aside from the fact that it sounds like a perfect storm for post-lunch vomiting, cramps, and muscle strains, can you imagine having to go to lunch every single day in stinky, sweaty gym clothes?  Think back to middle school and how often you washed your gym clothes. Now imagine going to lunch in those gym clothes when you were hoping to flirt with the cute guy from math class. It is just wrong on so many levels. That's her schedule though, and she is stuck with it for the year.

Now that Elise has a locker and the air conditioning has been fixed, I think that with the exception of her wonky lunch schedule, the 2014-15 school year has gotten off to a great start!

I Passed! I Passed!

I passed!  I passed the tricky "taking your tween to a movie" test. For the last two to three weeks, Elise has been telling us daily about big plans that a group of her friends had to go see Divergent this past Friday night. "Everyone" was going to be there. This was a BIG deal. (Side note: The whole event was organized through Instagram which I find fascinating.) I made the classic dorky mom move by saying, "Oh! I want to see Divergent too. Can I go if I don't sit with you and don't talk to you?" I got a "NO! NO WAY, MOM! Absolutely not." response. I said, "I'll walk in separately from you. Nobody will even know I'm there. I promise not to talk to you." Again, I got, "Mommmm. <major eye rolls> You'll EMBARRASS me!"  OK. I get it. I was twelve once. I told her I wouldn't go. Then, Friday rolled around. She said, "Um, Mom... S's mom won't let her go unless an adult is there. Can you go?"  What? After all the grief she gave me, she now WANTS me to go? I'm not too proud though. I didn't turn down the offer.

We arrived at the movie theater. We bought tickets, and I told her, "I'll be sitting at those tables whenever you are done." Then, she was gone. She speed walked away from me and caught up with friends at the snack counter. She never gave me a second glance. I kept my promise of not talking to her and pretending I didn't know her. I got in line for popcorn, and she went on her way. When I turned toward the theaters, there were two theaters directly across from each other showing Divergent at the same time. I looked at my ticket stub and headed into the appropriate one. I didn't see a gaggle of sixth graders in my theater, so I correctly guessed they were in the other one. I'm sure Elise was thrilled that she didn't have to worry about somebody recognizing my profile in the dark theater.

When the movie was over, I waited patiently at the tables. I waited. I waited. I waited some more. I could see groups of kids socializing out in front of the theater. I didn't dare go out there and risk being spotted though. I just hoped she remembered where I said I would be. Eventually, she came running in, and said, "Mom! Can you come out and take a picture of us?"

This is when I knew I officially passed the test. I had remained invisible enough that she was willing to out me to her friends for a photo. She trusted that I would not be a complete embarrassment, so she brought me out of hiding.

After the picture, I said, "Do you want me to just wait in the car until you are done?" A big smile crept across her face, and she said, "Yeah. That would be great!"

I can remember being twelve. I remember that moms were a necessary evil. You couldn't drive, so they had to take you everywhere, but you didn't want anyone to actually know that. Moms were to be invisible chauffeurs only.

Navigating the waters of parenting a middle schooler is new territory for us, but I think I pulled off this particular test pretty well. Although, now that I think about it, blogging about it after the fact probably counteracts any progress I had made in the "not being an embarrassing mom" department. Oh well. Maybe I'll figure out how to do this whole parenting a tween thing by the time Addie hits middle school.

Talent Show, Middle School Style

I have written previously about elementary school talent shows. I have all the respect in the world for the kids who choose to perform, but that doesn't change the fact that watching group after group lip sync to Taylor Swift gets a little monotonous. Now that Elise has moved on to middle school, I was anxious to see what sort of talent one finds at a middle school talent show. There were certainly a few squeaky, off-key performances, but overall, there was quite a lot of genuine talent. There were a couple of singers who looked ready to hop on stage at American Idol. It was fun to watch how the kids (along with their talent show acts) grow and change from elementary to middle. The hit of the night was a kid who danced to a Michael Jackson medley. He was amazing. He WAS Michael Jackson - the hair, the sparkley glove, the moon walking, the crotch grabbing, the signature dance moves. It blew me away. He was committed and nailed it.

I don't think anybody could upstage the Michael Jackson act, but Elise did a great job in her own right. She even got a bit of a standing ovation at the end. She made this mamma proud!

 

Tween Dating 101

Last night, there was a sleepover at our house involving 6th graders, giggling, whispering, texting, and a poor little six year old desperate to be included. At one point, the giggling and squealing came downstairs to the kitchen. J.C. spoke to them, and one girl giggled to Elise, "Should I tell him?" Elise said, "Sure!"  The girl squealed, "I asked a boy to the Valentine's Dance, and he said yes!"  We congratulated her on the big date, and the girls went on their way. This morning, we had this conversation:

Me: "So, is the Valentine's Dance like the last dance where it is right after school one afternoon?"

Girls: "We don't know."

Me: "Well, when is it?"

Girls: "We don't know. We've just heard people talking about a Valentine's Dance, and usually when people talk about things like this, they happen. It would make sense. This would be a good time of year to have a dance, and it just makes sense for the occassion that there would be a Valentine's Dance."

Me: "So, you don't know whether or not there is a dance, and if there is one, you don't know when it is, but you have a date for it?"

Girl: "Yes."

Love it.