House of Estrogen

Letter to Nina, Age 11-ish

Dear Nina,

I seem to have completely dropped the ball on writing letters to any of you on or near your birthdays. In the grand scheme of things though, it really shouldn't matter when I write these letters, as long as I write them once a year or so. At least I like to tell myself that.  That said, you had a big milestone this week, so what better time to write a letter!  Tuesday, you graduated from elementary school.

 

(First day of kindergarten picture)

You couldn't be more ready for middle school. At 5'7, you are now taller than every elementary school teacher you've had over the past six years. Not only have you physically outgrown the pint-sized chairs and desks, I think you have mentally moved beyond it and have just been ready for this chapter to come to a close.

 

After the ceremony, as friends in your class shed tears about their last day at the school and posed for pictures with every classmate, you eagerly held on to your diploma and exclaimed, "Can we leave now?"

 
It wasn't that you didn't enjoy your time there or aren't going to miss your friends who will be attending different middle schools. You had many happy years there and will definitely miss certain friends. You are ready to move forward though. You have seen what a great experience middle school has been for Elise, and you are excited about this next stage in life. You are ready for new friends, new challenges, and new experiences in a new school. For some of your friends, graduation day was an emotional day filled with sad goodbyes, reminders of elementary school memories and a slide show that tugged at their heartstrings. For you, it was simply the last hurdle to cross on the way to the finish line.

I am excited for you. I love that you are open to the new adventures that await you in middle school. As you love tell anyone who mentions middle school electives, your parents are making you take band next year. You love to point out what cruel parents we are to force this on you, but secretly, I think you may actually be looking forward to participating in band. You are such a music loving soul. You love to listen to music, find new songs on iTunes, and you thoroughly enjoyed playing the recorder in music class. Your one and only aversion to band is the stage appearance twice a year for the concerts. Your dad and I are taking the "we know what's best for you" role on this one. I predict that you will love it. Band has been such a positive part of middle school for Elise - the fun, the music, the band director, the friends, and the performances. We are hoping for a similar experience for you, and I think the many pros of band outweigh the cons of a little stage fright twice a year. How it all plays out remains to be seen though. We have assured you that if you hate it, you can drop out after the first year.

Right now, your major love is volleyball. You play any chance you get. Your goal is to be a manager for the middle school volleyball team in 6th grade and then play on the team in 7th and 8th. I think it is great that you've found a sport that you love. It is definitely a good fit for you.

 

Like band, volleyball was another activity we "forced" you to do. About a year ago, you had become rather sedentary. There weren't any activities, hobbies, or sports that interested you. We told you that you needed to choose something to do outside of school or we were going to choose something for you. You never made a selection, so without even asking you, I signed you up for volleyball. I didn't necessarily think you would love it. I wasn't even sure if you would like it. I just wanted you try something new. Of course, there was also that little overly optimistic voice in my head that said, "She has the height for volleyball... maybe she will love it, get really good at it, and get a scholarship." We are all allowed those pie in the sky parental dreams occasionally, right?

You played in a fall league for the team with the most losing record in the league. You lost every regular season game, but it hooked you. You had the time of your life. Last week, you started playing for a new summer league team which encompasses an older age group and higher skill level. I think you will grow and learn a lot as a player in this league. You plan to play in the fall again too. Volleyball has been great for you. It gives you a focus, an identity, a team spirit, and a great outlet for blowing off steam and getting some exercise.

Your other big interest lately has been sewing. You received a sewing machine for Christmas and have spent many hours designing, creating, and sewing. I think you enjoy the design aspect best. You are going to a week of fashion design camp this summer, and I'm anxious to see what you learn there. You have taken to doing a lot of "upcycling" - taking old worn out, outgrown, or out of style items from our closets and upcycling them into something new. This is one of your upcycled t-shirt creations.

 

I feel like this has been a big year for you... you have grown a lot, matured a lot, and really turned into the middle schooler that you soon will be. You have taken on more chores around the house and more responsibilities for taking care of yourself. If I need help putting Addie to bed or making her lunch, you jump right in. Of course, with this new tween maturity, we sometimes get the tween attitude as well. You have perfected a grimace that I have interpreted as a cross between, "I hate you", "You are the meanest parent ever", and "This is my evil look". Your glare with those piercing eyes can be a bit disconcerting. I'm hoping it is just a phase. Fortunately, you don't use it on us too frequently.

This coming year will bring a new school, new adventures, new friends, and lots of change. You seem wholeheartedly prepared and ready to tackle all of it though. And that... that is awesome.

I love you, Nina!

Love,

Mama

 

 

 

Letter to Addison, Age 7

Dear Addison,

You turned seven last month. We celebrated with a gingerbread decorating party at home. I tried desperately to convince you to do a party outside the house - Ice skating! Bounce house place! Taekwondo! Manicures! Build-a-Bear!  You would have none of it. You were determined to have a party at home, so I relented. It was fun... chaotic and crazy, but fun.

Your insistence and never-back-down attitude about the home birthday party is pretty typical of your temperament these days. You are strong-willed and not shy about it. That will serve you well in a board room some day. Right now, it can be a bit draining for your parents. You and Nina are the stubborn soul sisters.

As you entered first grade, we crossed our fingers that the transition would be smoother than your transition to kindergarten which had been pretty traumatic. Things certainly went better, but it was still really tough on you. I think you are just someone who is very sensitive to change. Change is hard for you, and it takes you time to adjust to new classes, new camps, new situations. It isn't a bad thing, it is just part of what makes you you. I am starting to think that a traditional calendar school might be a better fit for you. Tracking in and out of school (9 weeks on, 3 weeks off) brings on a rough transition period every time. It is hard to get your behavior back in line after we track in or out of school. Overall though, school is going well. You like your teacher, and you are cruising along fine academically.

You enjoy reading. A couple of your favorite books lately have been Mercy Watson Fights Crime by Kate DiCamillo and The Princess in Black by Shannon Hale. You have some good friends both in and out of school and still participate in Daisy Girl Scouts and book club. You love to ride your bike and scooter.

The biggest change in your life in the past year has been your participation in Taekwondo.

When you first approached us about doing Taekwondo after a track-out camp field trip, I assumed this activity would go the way of others you have tried (T-ball, cheer, dance, and soccer). Your typical M.O. is to enjoy the activity for the first few weeks, tolerate it for the rest of the season or session, and then quit.

 

I never imagined that Taekwondo would have the impact on you that it has. It has made you a better Addison. I think you needed and craved the structure and discipline of martial arts. It just works for you. All of the tenets of Taekwondo are incorporated into the classes - honor, courtesy, integrity, self-control, perseverence. You are picking up all of that. Your first grade teacher told us that she noticed a difference in your respect and courtesy toward her after you started doing Taekwondo. We notice it at home too.

You are dedicated, determined, focused, and happy working toward your goals at Taekwondo. It is not an activity I ever would have chosen for you, so I'm so glad you found it and pursued it on your own. It is a good fit for your soul. I hope you will continue in Taekwondo for a long time. It has been such a great influence on your life.

I hope seven will be a good year. You continue to challenge us as parents, but you continue to bring us smiles and joy every day too. You talk all the time, giving us all your seven year old observations on life. I love your thought processes.

I love you,

Mama

Letter to Addison, Age 6

Dear Addison,

Today you turned six. I asked you if it felt different to be six. You said, "Yes. People sing caroles to you, and they don't do that on other days. Also, it feels older. When I'm a lot, a lot older, I'll be in first grade." I guess that about sums it up. We celebrated this morning with sweet rolls and bacon. It was a nice way to start the day.

You opened your gifts from all of us - a LEGO camper set, a stuffed Olaf, your first American Girl Doll (Saige), and your favorite - footie pajamas. You have been asking for those non-stop for weeks, so I was thrilled your birthday finally arrived. You have been carrying around a catalog with footie pajamas in it, telling me, "I'm getting these for Christmas." No matter how many times I have told you "They are on the list." or "Santa KNOWS about the footie PJ's" or "Got it. I remember.", you persisted. Then your dad decided to mess with me by regularly telling you, "Hey Addie, I don't think mom knows what you want for Christmas, why don't you go show her that picture?"  You are certainly diligent and committed to your cause. If I had to hear about those footie pajamas one more day though, I might have taken a torch to that catalog.

We celebrated your birthday with friends a couple weeks ago at the movie theater to see the movie "Frozen." That was a lot of fun. You loved having all your new kindergarten friends there.

Now that you have received your much coveted footie pajamas for your birthday, we have Christmas coming up next week. You have asked for, "A jeep that I can drive in like my friend W has" and "training wheels for my bike because mom won't let me have them, and I get scared." You won't be getting either of those. You know how to ride a bike. You've been able to ride for almost two years now. There will be no training wheels!

I wrote your 5-ish letter not too long ago, so I don't have too many updates since then. School is still going OK.... not great, but you haven't had another silent lunch, and you haven't been kicked off the bus, so we're calling that a success. Academics are fine. You are picking up reading and writing easily, and math is going fine. It is behavior that is still a struggle. We're definitely seeing improvement though. You now seem to average about one note home from the teacher per week rather than one day per week without a note. Baby steps. One day, you told me, "The bus driver gave me a chance today to sit without being buckled!" I said, "They have seatbelts on the bus?" You said, "Yes, the bus driver makes you wear it if you're wobbly, but she gave me a second chance today." I know the school buses don't have seatbelts as standard equipment, so I'm envisioning you strapped into some seat belt that is there in case a child with disabilities needs to be strapped in. In your case though, the bus driver used it to keep you from causing trouble! Sigh. Your poor bus driver. I think I owe her a big Christmas bonus. If your bus driver or kindergarten teacher retires after this year, I may feel personally responsible!

You're a funny little turkey and are always making us laugh. You make up songs regularly that you sing to yourself. Tonight, while you were supposed to be brushing your teeth, I heard howling coming from the bathroom. I said, "Addie! Brush your teeth!" You said, very matter-of-factly, "I was howling like a wolf", as if that was a perfectly logical excuse for not brushing your teeth.

We lucked into a great Girl Scout troop for you, and you are really enjoying being a Daisy. It is fun for you to finally get to participate in Girl Scouts after watching your sisters all these years.

You and Nina go to the extremes. You are either the best of friends or worst of enemies at any given moment. I love watching you together when you are friends though. In those times, Nina is so sweet with you, and you eat up the special attention. One day, I lost the two of you in the public library. When I finally happened upon you, you were curled up in Nina's lap while she was reading a book to you. It melted my heart.

Of course, Nina also loves using you as her own personal hair and make-up model. Here you are with a butterfly, spider, lady bug, bloody nose, and black eye, all courtesy of Nina.

Watching you shuffle around in your new footie PJ's tonight has made me wistful for your toddler days. You aren't a baby any more, but seeing you all snuggled up in footie pajamas reminds me that I'll always have you as my baby no matter how old you are.

Happy 6th Birthday, Little Bird!

Love,

Mama

 

Letter to Nina, Age 9-ish

Dear Nina,

Although I missed writing you this letter when you turned 9 and again at 9.5, I don't think you've really changed that drastically over the past year, so this age 9.75 letter should suffice. Actually, I take that back; you may not have changed much as far as interests, hobbies, or personality, but you are growing taller by the minute. You are already the tallest in your class, but I think you've grown at least 2 inches in just the last couple of months. You used to come up to Elise's mouth, and now you come up to her eyes. I definitely think you will pass her in height before high school. Thankfully, you like being tall. I can remember being very self conscious about my height growing up, so I am thrilled to see you are more confident in that respect. You embrace your height (as you should) and wear high heels as often as I will let you. You would be walking around in stilettos 24/7 if I would allow you to buy them. Sadly for you, you are stuck with low heeled boots and chunky wedge flip flops as our compromise. You have gotten your braces off, and it is nice to see a non-metal smile again.

Art has been a big interest of yours in the past year. You have taken numerous classes in cartoon sketching anime and manga characters. You love it. You come home from class with all your sketches begging to buy fancy Japanese brush pens online. You have also been to several art camps and enjoy pulling out watercolors to paint in your free time.

You love science, and in writing this letter, I realized I neglected to write a blog post about your cool science themed ninth birthday party. I'll throw in a few pictures here to make up for that oversight. It was a lot of fun. You can tell by your face in the pictures that you were having a blast.

You have great friends in the neighborhood, and on evenings and weekends, you are rarely home. When you are here, there are always friends with you. Sleepovers are popular with your gang. I'm not a fan, but you manage to twist my arm into having one here once a month or so. It is 9:30 at night as I write this, and you and a friend just ran here in the dark with flashlights from the friend's house to get your sleeping bag and PJ's for a sleepover. You all thrive on independence and making your own plans. You and your friends are so active and creative. I never find you together zoned out in front of the TV or playing video games. You play with dolls, do gymnastics, do science experiments, build zip lines, create craft projects, set up lemonade stands, or give each other manicures.

Speaking of lemonade stands, one of my favorites was when I told you I was going to run to the grocery store to buy lemonade mix and cookie dough. I wasn't gone more than 15 minutes. When I returned, your dad was in the garage and said to me, "Take a deep breath when you walk in there. Just remember they are really excited."  I walked in to this.

Six girls in my kitchen making a pitcher of lemonade out of the single serve Crystal Light packets

and "treats" out of crackers, marshmallows, Magic Shell, and sprinkles.

Like he said... deep breath. Deep breath. They were excited. They took initiative. They were creative. All those are good things. My kitchen was destroyed, but what else is new?

Overall, I think nine has been fun for you. School is going well. Friendships seem a bit easier than they did at eight. You are generally a happy, fun kid. Sometimes, I think being the middle child is tough for you. You have your share of protests: "It's not fair", "She always gets that because she is the oldest", "She never has to do that because she is the baby", but you push through it. It is your lot in life, and you're learning to deal with it.

You definitely have a tender, sensitive side that was seriously tested this year when your dad had his bad bike crash. You struggled so much seeing him hurt and seeing me upset. The school counselor helped you through it, but I think you will always be easily affected by situations like that. That may be both a blessing and a curse. You'll be compassionate and sympathetic but vulnerable to your feelings. That is part of what makes you my Nina though.

Keep having fun being nine, Nina! Those double digits are coming up fast!

I love you,

Mama

Letter to Elise, Age 12

Dear Elise,

I think this is my favorite letter that I've written to you so far. As you turn 12 today, I will remember this year as the year you became you.  I reread my last letter to you before writing this one, and at the time I was so worried about the pending move to middle school - the academics, the social pressures, finding the right school, meeting new friends. All my anxieties were wasted. You have thrived in middle school. I can't think of a time when I've seen you happier. You are confident, self-assured, happy, and love the you that you've found inside.

You are at a wonderful middle school. It is a STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) school, and much smaller than many of the middle schools near us. It has such a neat campus. There are 8 buildings, so you get a breath of fresh air each time you change classes. There are picnic tables for eating lunch outside too. You came home the very first day of school with a huge smile on your face and declared, "Band is my favorite class!" That sentiment hasn't changed at all since the first day.  You initially chose band because you deemed it the least offensive of the elective options. You weren't interested in any of them, and band was somehow the least undesirable. What a great decision that turned out to be. You come home every day from school and immediately pull out your clarinet to start practicing. Your dad and I had been anticipating all sorts of nagging to get you to practice your instrument. Instead, we find ourselves having to tell you to stop practicing to ensure you have time for the rest of your homework.

As for academics, I think school has finally "clicked" for you. You are more organized, dedicated, and committed to doing well. You are keeping up with your assignments and doing so much better in middle school than you ever did in elementary. I think the higher demands and increase in responsibilities forced you to grow up and rise up to the expectations. I couldn't be more thrilled with your school performance so far. I know you are proud of yourself too, as you should be. You've come a long way.

Where you have really blossomed this year is in your personal life. You have a great gang of friends and have found your niche socially. In elementary school, none of the cliques really fit with your personality. You had friends but not best friends. Now, you have it all. You are enjoying the attention from boys and your self-esteem has soared. You come home every day with tales of funny antics with friends in the cafeteria or a boy who flirted with you on the bus. The move to middle school has done wonders for you.

Band is your new found love, but you are still very active with your jump rope team. Over the past year, you have done performances at NCSU and Virginia Tech as well as many performances at festivals, schools, and parades.  Despite dealing with a broken ankle for a big chunk of the season, you kept going to practice, working on rope release skills and double dutch turning. You are definitely dedicated to your sport.

At the end of the year jump rope team party, your squad was awarded the coveted squad cup, and you received the "Cool as a Cucumber" paper plate award. The paper plate awards are just a bit of fun that the team captains do for the end of the year, but I thought it was neat that they described you as cool, calm, and someone who always helped others work through their conflicts.

Girl Scouts is still a part of your life as well, but you have definitely scaled back your participation. This past year, your troop put on the area Cookie Rally for younger scouts and took a trip to Earthshine Mountain where you participated in all sorts of great adventures -  a high ropes course, low ropes course, zip lining through the treetops, and survival exercises. I love the teamwork skills and independence you gain through scouts. I hope you will stick with it even as it becomes less and less "cool" the older you get.

If we were to ask anyone one word that best describes you, they would probably say "reader." You spent the entire day yesterday reading Divergence by Veronica Roth from start to finish. Some of your favorites lately have been the Matched series by Ally Condie and the Tunnels series by Gordon Roderick. You never leave the house without a book.

These letters that I write to you and your sisters are usually filled with a bit of good, a bit of not-so-good, proud moments, struggles, and my bit of commentary on all of it. I feel like this letter is heavily weighted toward the good and the moments of pride, but that is honestly how this year has been. You've gone from a slightly insecure girl who struggled with school and friendships to a fun, outgoing, happy girl, full of energy and great friends. I know the teenage years will bring about lots of ups and downs, but for now, we are rejoicing in what has been a great year for you. As peer relationships get more confusing, seeds of self-doubt begin to be planted, and you start to wonder how you will survive being a teenager, I hope you will remember this year, remember how great it felt to be a sixth grader, and keep those feelings in your heart.

I love you. Happy 12th!

Love,

Mama

Letter to Addison, Age 5-ish

 

Dear Addison,

I think some years, it may not matter much if a letter is written exactly on your birthday, or half-birthday, or a few months on either side. This year though, I could kick myself for not having my act together to write these letters in a timely manner. Early in age 5, I found myself frequently saying to myself, "I think 5 is my favorite age. Were the other girls this sweet and wonderful at age 5?"  I couldn't really remember, but I also realized that when Elise was five, I was also juggling a three year old Nina. When Nina was five, I was chasing after you as a toddler. Perhaps I was never able to slow down to appreciate and enjoy the sweetness of five with the two of them. With you though, I get to listen carefully to your funny stories about friends at school and watch in delight as your facial expressions are animated beyond your years. One of our favorite parts of age five has been your fascination with the question, "Will you get sick and die?"  It takes many forms, and we hear it almost daily. "If you put bug spray on your arm and then lick it, will you get sick and die?" "If you put your hand under your arm and then lick it, will you get sick and die?" "If you break the fan and electricity goes through you, will you get sick and die?" "If you lick cardboard, will you get sick and die?"  We never know what sort of "will you get sick and die" scenario you will come up with next. It makes me chuckle to see how your mind works and processes these things.

Five has been great. It has been all about going out to eat in a princess gown with absolutely no hesitation or doubt about the appropriateness of your attire,

mastering chop sticks with your own personal flair,

pouting in a princess gown,

eating ice cream at college basketball games,

starting to look and act more and more like your big sisters,

but still being in awe of Disney princesses,

all while being your mama's baby.

You are developing your own personal style at age 5. It is part Elizabeth Taylor,

part Singin' in the Rain,

and two parts cowgirl. You inherited a little Texas from me. I love that.

Age five to five and a half was nothing but fun, with your dad and I often exchanging knowing smiles and glances as we listen to you laugh or watch you ride your bike, or just gaze at you sleeping. Your last year of preschool was perfection. You had the best teachers ever, and you loved every minute of it. We were all sad to see preschool come to an end.

Then, five and half hit us like a mack truck. It came out of nowhere and knocked us to the ground. We still haven't quite picked ourselves back up. You started kindergarten at five and a half. Unfortunately, I think we had the completely naive notion that as a third child, the transition to kindergarten would be a breeze. You have been walking to the bus stop every morning since you were born. You have been to the elementary school countless times for talent shows, fall festivals, and science fairs. You know many of the teachers.  You had done great in preschool, and you were ready.

Or so we thought... we couldn't have been more wrong. Kindergarten has meant daily tummy aches, potty accidents, tantrums, and off the charts behavior problems. Those first few weeks, notes came home from the teacher every day, "Addison pushed a friend today." "Addison called a friend a poopy head." "Addison kicked all her friends in circle time."  You even ended up with a silent lunch by yourself one day. I think that is like the kindergarten equivalent of in-school suspension. You have a wonderful kindergarten teacher. She has been at the school for years and is loved by all who have her. She is a seasoned teacher, and I think you even challenged this veteran teacher's expertise. She sent home a note one day asking what sorts of discipline worked for you at home or in the past because nothing was working at school. Wow. You managed to stump the expert. Sadly, I had to write her back and tell her that absolutely nothing was working at home, so I could offer no help. You lost the door to your room one day after slamming it repeatedly. (It has since been reinstalled. You eventually earned it back.) The hitting, the kicking, the crying, the defiance... it has been so difficult for all of us. Your dad and I have waffled back and forth between feeling sad and worried that kindergarten has caused you so much stress and being at our wit's end trying to figure out how to discipline a tornado. Then there was the letter that came home from school requesting that you not wear your cowboy boots because with your "space issues", the boots were essentially being used as weapons.  Sigh.  That was a new low in parenting.

Thankfully, with immense patience, some help from a great parenting book ("Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach" - I highly recommend it!), a lot of time, and many tears from both you and us, I think we have turned a corner. I never imagined this kindergarten transition would be so hard on you - both emotionally and physically. We took you to the pediatrician twice for issues that were both diagnosed as "stress".  What a tough year you have had.  I hope that now that you've gotten used to the kindergarten environment that you will find a way to enjoy it. You have made a few friends which helps. Yesterday, you told me, "M threw up, but she is still my friend." I like your loyalty.

Kindergarten should be a fun year, not stressful. We tracked out today, and while we are all ready for a nice three week break, I'm slightly terrified that we will go through the transition stress all over again when you track back in. If we have to go through what we went through the first six weeks of school, I'm not sure I will survive! Fingers crossed that things go better.

This summer has been a lot of fun. You played T-ball which was awesome. You had a bit of a love-hate relationship with the sport, but every time you got out on the field, you had a great time. You were the only girl in the league, but that didn't seem to bother you a bit. You brought a bit of fashion to the field with your bright pink glove and sneakers!

By the end of the season, you were ready for coach-pitch which made this mama proud!

You also learned to swim this summer, or to be more exact, you learned to swim this past weekend. You have been on the edge of swimming for the last month. You could do a few strokes but didn't have the confidence to really go for it. Then, at our neighborhood end of summer pool party, there was a coin toss. That was all it took. You were suddenly swimming like a fish! Who knew all it took was a coin toss?  I guess it is all about the motivation and reward. You swam around the rest of the day like you owned the place. Hilarious. Forget swim lessons. Just toss a few coins in a pool!

When I look back over the past 9 months since you turned five, I see high highs and low lows. You have taken us on a roller coaster, for sure.  We're slowly adjusting to it and learning how to enjoy the ride. I'd love to have a few months on a kiddie coaster without quite so much drama, but this may just be your nature.

   

You are a sweet, sensitive girl who is trying to figure out how the big world works and what your place is. That is a big job, and I'm sorry you have found it so overwhelming. As we move toward six and you start to feel more comfortable in kindergarten, my hope for you is that you can relax, have fun, and enjoy the journey. I'll help you however I can.

I love you, baby girl.

Love,

Mama

Letter to Nina and Addison

Dear Nina and Addison,

I've really dropped the ball this year with your birthday (and half-birthday) letters. I love the idea in theory... a letter to you every six months to reflect on your interests, your personality, how you are changing and growing, and how you make me smile and/or tear my hair out. My hope is that they will be fun letters for all of us to read in the future when some of those memories of you as children have faded. As much as I want these letters to happen twice a year right on schedule with your birthdays, life gets in the way sometimes. This year, you will get an "age five-ish" letter and an "age nine-ish" letter since your birthdays and half-birthdays have come and gone. I promise to get back on track for ages six and ten... or at least try to... or try harder. We'll see. Please know my intentions are good... I just can't always keep up with the follow through.

Love,

Mama

Letter to Elise, age 11

Dear Elise,

As I have been thinking about this letter to you (over the last two months since your actual birthday), I realized I could sum it all up in one word: change. Your life is all about change right now... change at a lightning fast pace. I'm not sure any of us have figured out how to keep up. We're just hanging on for the ride.

I just looked back at last year's letter and was shocked by how much you have changed in just a year. The little girl is gone, and now the daughter before me is a tall, curvy, braces-wearing tween who reads the Hunger Games and walks around with iPod earbuds growing out of her ears.

You are growing taller and fumbling your way through puberty daily. There are tears involved with most everything these days. Yesterday morning, Nina came into our room and said, "Elise is crying." Your dad responded, "It's morning. That's what Elise does in the mornings." Unfortunately for you, As with every stage in your life, you will be our guinea pig to figure out how to parent tweens and teens. Bear with us. I'm sure we'll make mistakes along the way. You have matured so much in the past year though. I think you'll find a way to have patience with us (or at the very least, tolerate us). Your words, decisions, and actions all show a level of maturity that wasn't there just twelve months ago... in between the tears, that is.

School is going well, but it is another area of your life that is changing rapidly. You were recently reevaluated for learning disabilities and eligibility for services at school. You tested at least "average" for absolutely every test which is a huge change from three years ago. You "graduated" out of your Individualized Education Plan (IEP) which had you spending time with the writing lab teacher three times per week. Your teachers were thrilled with your progress. As a parent, I had mixed emotions. While I was excited and proud that you're doing so well in school, I have a little anxiety about losing the extra help. The resource teachers have been so wonderful in giving you the extra support you needed. It is a little hard to let go of that safety net even though all the teachers are confident you don't need it any more. You had mixed feelings about it as well. In the big picture though, I know this is a GOOD thing. It means you are meeting grade level expectations on your own, and that is huge. You have had a wonderful teacher this year, but unfortunately, she is moving over the Christmas holiday, and you'll have a new teacher when you return from break. That makes me a little anxious as well, but I have confidence that you'll keep working hard and succeeding.

The one subject we certainly never need to worry about with you is reading. You always have your nose in a book. Even if we just have a five minute drive somewhere, you make sure you grab a book before we leave the house, so you can read in the car. You have a fierce love of books, particularly the fantasy genre. You love Rick Riordin, Suzanne Collins, J.K. Rowling, and Brandon Mull. For Halloween this year, you had so much fun being Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games. It seemed so fitting that you chose a literary character. Books are your escape and your love. You are having a ball being a junior librarian this year at school. It is the perfect job for you.

The next big step in school is middle school. You and I toured one school together recently, and I have toured another on my own. After touring both, I felt strongly that the one you and I both saw was the better school for you. It is small, personable, and just gave me a good vibe. The other school was huge, chaotic, and felt like it would be easy to get lost in the crowd (literally and figuratively). It just didn't seem like a good fit. You want to tour both though to make your own decision, and I respect that. I'm just crossing my fingers that you'll come away with the same impressions that I did. We both really loved the first school, so I do know we agreed on that one.

Jump rope still plays a huge role in your life. You have practice 2-3 days per week and performances or workshops almost every weekend. You love it, and I cherish seeing the spark in your eyes as you talk about it and celebrate accomplishments. You chose to stay on the performance team this year instead of trying out for the competition team. As much as you love jump rope, I think you wanted to avoid the extra pressure that comes along with competition. That is probably a good choice for your personality. You love the fun of performances but don't have a very competitive nature. Jump rope is really a happy place for you. This year, you don't have a tight knit group of friends at school. You get along with people fine, but you don't have the close relationships you might like to have. You said to me one day, "One reason I love jump rope is that I feel like I fit in so well there. I have something in common with everybody, and I have so many friends there."  I can't think of anything more important than a group like that as you head into middle school. Regardless of the ups and downs of middle school social life, you know you'll have your jump rope friends by your side. That is priceless.

You are still involved with Girl Scouts although this year there seem to be a lot of scheduling conflicts between Girl Scouts and jump rope. Jump rope usually wins out. The troop is still important to you though, and I'm glad you're sticking with it. I think Girl Scouts can be another place for you to maintain good friends during the turbulent middle school years. Can you tell I'm just a wee bit anxious about middle school?  I'll try not to make you too nervous about it as I quietly gnaw on my fingernails off your first couple weeks of school.

Overall, I think you're in a good spot right now. You are coping well with the change all around you. You are holding your own at school and have found a hobby you love. You are growing and maturing rapidly. I have a feeling this year is just the beginning of a lot of change over the next few years, and I have no idea if your dad and I are ready for it. I think you are though.

Happy belated 11th birthday, Elise!

Love,

Mama

Letter to Nina, 8 years

Dear Nina,

I'm a full two months late with your letter this year, but better late than never, right?  Some days, it is hard for me to believe that you are only eight. You are as tall as most of Elise's ten year old friends, but more than that, you are just so self-sufficient. Whether it is washing your hair, making your lunch, doing your laundry, or making breakfast for Addie, you rarely ask for help. You are independent, take care of yourself, and usually seem so much older than your eight years.

Then there are the times like a couple weeks ago when you called home in tears late at night from a sleep-over at a friend's house wanting to come home. Your allergies were bothering you, and you just wanted your own bed. That night, I was reminded that you are still just a little girl. As you got in the car sobbing, needing your mom, and needing a hug, you hardly even seemed eight. Those moments are fleeting. You are growing up so fast. I think those moments are good for us though... to remind us that there is still a little girl in there under the tall, slender, fashion-conscious, self-confident exterior.

School is going well, and you are so enthusiastiac about everything science related. You loved participating in the science fair this year and can't wait to go to science camp this summer. You spend hours quietly and patiently working on a "dinosaur dig" or science experiments at home. You tune out the rest of the world as you concentrate.

 

You are such a thinker and a problem solver. It makes me wonder what you will be when you grow up - an engineer? a pharmaceutical researcher? an archeologist? You love to solve puzzles. We took a family trip to Great Wolf Lodge last week, and you were more excited about the MagiQuest game than the water park. You spent hours running around the hotel with your wand trying to solve different quests. You were completely in your element.

Of course, I could be completely wrong about your future career. You love to design dresses and put on make-up. Perhaps you'll be a fashion designer, make-up artist, or stylist. You and I have a great time watching Project Runway together.

Outside of school, you are most involved in figure skating right now. You did skating for several months, skated in the holiday show (You were very hesitant about signing up for it but then had a blast), and then burned out. You did a couple months of gymnastics, but now you are back to skating.  You don't have any desire to compete yet, but you have so much fun with your friends at the rink. I think you love having an activity and group of people that are all yours. You jump out of the car in the mornings of ice skating camp and walk in there with your head held high and a spring in your step, knowing you belong. I don't know if or when you will decide you're ready to compete, but for now, you're just having a ball. I can remember feeling the same way about my rink friends when I was a skater, so I know exactly what you are getting from it... that sense of belonging and comaradarie. Enjoy it!

You are also still involved in Girl Scouts. You joined a new Brownie troop this year, and you seem to be enjoying it. You were very geared up about Girl Scout cookies this year and wanted to work a lot of cookie booths. I think your 400 box goal was a little higher than your energy level, but you did sell 300 and worked hard for them.

I'd say your biggest challenge right now is dealing with the ups and downs of friendships. Girl friendships at age 7-8 are tough, particularly when there are three of you on the same street. I remember Elise having all the same issues... the cliques, the hurt feelings, the frenemies. Fortunately, it gets better. You have a great group of girl friends, and if you can survive the catty 7-8 year old fights, your friendships will be even stronger. I grew up in a neighborhood with two other girls my age, and it was hard for me too. I promise it gets better.

Nina, you are a fun, funny, determined, passionate girl. I love you and can't wait to see how things unfold the next eight years.

Love,

Mama

Letter to Addison, 4 years

Dear Addison,

This weekend you turned four. One might expect me to feel sad or nostalgic that my baby is growing up. I do feel that in some ways. For the most part though, we are absolutely thrilled that you are four because it means the end of three and a half. I could use those euphemisms that parenting books use to describe you like "spirited" or "strong willed", but your dad I have more often used words like "demon child", "the one with the horns growing out of her head", "YOUR child", and "the evil one". You have seriously given us a run for our money. We thought we had learned a few things about stubborn preschoolers through Nina. Apparently she was just the intro class. Now you have come along to really show us who is boss.

Your modus operandi seems to be "I am three. Hear me roar", and do we ever. The yelling, the tantrums, the obstinance, the defiance... you win the prize for all of it. We've resorted to the most off-the-wall discipline techniques like squirting you with a water bottle in the car when you won't stay buckled. I don't think we'll win any parenting awards for that one, but for right now, it is the only thing that works.

Perhaps we were too cocky and thought we had figured out this whole parenting gig after two kids. Clearly, we haven't. You have proven that.

So, now that you are four, can you give us a break from the 3.5 year old attitude? We're begging you!

Under all the spunk and defiance, you are a sweet, loving, wonderful daughter. You definitely keep us on our toes, but we love you the world over. You love to snuggle up to us to read bedtime stories. You give running hugs and forehead kisses.

Last week, you declared that I was the "best mommy in the jungle!"  (Yes, I know we don't live in a jungle, but I'll take the compliment anyway). Although you remind me daily that you aren't a baby any more, you will still cuddle up in my lap when you are tired.

Despite spending many hours being dragged between ice skating (Nina) and jump rope (Elise), you are starting to form your own interests too. You love to go hiking and biking. You make frequent requests for family bike rides.

You have enjoyed playing soccer, but we're going to take a little break from that. You try desperately to jump rope but don't quite have the hand/foot coordination thing figured out yet. You love playing with dolls, pestering Nina, stealing Elise's things, working puzzles, and running around the house like we've injected you with caffeine. You are a lover of all things Yo Gabba Gabba.

You have certainly made your place in this family. Although you push boundaries and test us to the extremes, we can't imagine life without you. You are our sweet baby girl, and I can't wait to see what changes age four will bring.

I love you! Happy fourth birthday!

Love,

Mama