House of Estrogen

Letter to Elise, Age 12

Dear Elise,

I think this is my favorite letter that I've written to you so far. As you turn 12 today, I will remember this year as the year you became you.  I reread my last letter to you before writing this one, and at the time I was so worried about the pending move to middle school - the academics, the social pressures, finding the right school, meeting new friends. All my anxieties were wasted. You have thrived in middle school. I can't think of a time when I've seen you happier. You are confident, self-assured, happy, and love the you that you've found inside.

You are at a wonderful middle school. It is a STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) school, and much smaller than many of the middle schools near us. It has such a neat campus. There are 8 buildings, so you get a breath of fresh air each time you change classes. There are picnic tables for eating lunch outside too. You came home the very first day of school with a huge smile on your face and declared, "Band is my favorite class!" That sentiment hasn't changed at all since the first day.  You initially chose band because you deemed it the least offensive of the elective options. You weren't interested in any of them, and band was somehow the least undesirable. What a great decision that turned out to be. You come home every day from school and immediately pull out your clarinet to start practicing. Your dad and I had been anticipating all sorts of nagging to get you to practice your instrument. Instead, we find ourselves having to tell you to stop practicing to ensure you have time for the rest of your homework.

As for academics, I think school has finally "clicked" for you. You are more organized, dedicated, and committed to doing well. You are keeping up with your assignments and doing so much better in middle school than you ever did in elementary. I think the higher demands and increase in responsibilities forced you to grow up and rise up to the expectations. I couldn't be more thrilled with your school performance so far. I know you are proud of yourself too, as you should be. You've come a long way.

Where you have really blossomed this year is in your personal life. You have a great gang of friends and have found your niche socially. In elementary school, none of the cliques really fit with your personality. You had friends but not best friends. Now, you have it all. You are enjoying the attention from boys and your self-esteem has soared. You come home every day with tales of funny antics with friends in the cafeteria or a boy who flirted with you on the bus. The move to middle school has done wonders for you.

Band is your new found love, but you are still very active with your jump rope team. Over the past year, you have done performances at NCSU and Virginia Tech as well as many performances at festivals, schools, and parades.  Despite dealing with a broken ankle for a big chunk of the season, you kept going to practice, working on rope release skills and double dutch turning. You are definitely dedicated to your sport.

At the end of the year jump rope team party, your squad was awarded the coveted squad cup, and you received the "Cool as a Cucumber" paper plate award. The paper plate awards are just a bit of fun that the team captains do for the end of the year, but I thought it was neat that they described you as cool, calm, and someone who always helped others work through their conflicts.

Girl Scouts is still a part of your life as well, but you have definitely scaled back your participation. This past year, your troop put on the area Cookie Rally for younger scouts and took a trip to Earthshine Mountain where you participated in all sorts of great adventures -  a high ropes course, low ropes course, zip lining through the treetops, and survival exercises. I love the teamwork skills and independence you gain through scouts. I hope you will stick with it even as it becomes less and less "cool" the older you get.

If we were to ask anyone one word that best describes you, they would probably say "reader." You spent the entire day yesterday reading Divergence by Veronica Roth from start to finish. Some of your favorites lately have been the Matched series by Ally Condie and the Tunnels series by Gordon Roderick. You never leave the house without a book.

These letters that I write to you and your sisters are usually filled with a bit of good, a bit of not-so-good, proud moments, struggles, and my bit of commentary on all of it. I feel like this letter is heavily weighted toward the good and the moments of pride, but that is honestly how this year has been. You've gone from a slightly insecure girl who struggled with school and friendships to a fun, outgoing, happy girl, full of energy and great friends. I know the teenage years will bring about lots of ups and downs, but for now, we are rejoicing in what has been a great year for you. As peer relationships get more confusing, seeds of self-doubt begin to be planted, and you start to wonder how you will survive being a teenager, I hope you will remember this year, remember how great it felt to be a sixth grader, and keep those feelings in your heart.

I love you. Happy 12th!

Love,

Mama

Letter to Elise, age 11

Dear Elise,

As I have been thinking about this letter to you (over the last two months since your actual birthday), I realized I could sum it all up in one word: change. Your life is all about change right now... change at a lightning fast pace. I'm not sure any of us have figured out how to keep up. We're just hanging on for the ride.

I just looked back at last year's letter and was shocked by how much you have changed in just a year. The little girl is gone, and now the daughter before me is a tall, curvy, braces-wearing tween who reads the Hunger Games and walks around with iPod earbuds growing out of her ears.

You are growing taller and fumbling your way through puberty daily. There are tears involved with most everything these days. Yesterday morning, Nina came into our room and said, "Elise is crying." Your dad responded, "It's morning. That's what Elise does in the mornings." Unfortunately for you, As with every stage in your life, you will be our guinea pig to figure out how to parent tweens and teens. Bear with us. I'm sure we'll make mistakes along the way. You have matured so much in the past year though. I think you'll find a way to have patience with us (or at the very least, tolerate us). Your words, decisions, and actions all show a level of maturity that wasn't there just twelve months ago... in between the tears, that is.

School is going well, but it is another area of your life that is changing rapidly. You were recently reevaluated for learning disabilities and eligibility for services at school. You tested at least "average" for absolutely every test which is a huge change from three years ago. You "graduated" out of your Individualized Education Plan (IEP) which had you spending time with the writing lab teacher three times per week. Your teachers were thrilled with your progress. As a parent, I had mixed emotions. While I was excited and proud that you're doing so well in school, I have a little anxiety about losing the extra help. The resource teachers have been so wonderful in giving you the extra support you needed. It is a little hard to let go of that safety net even though all the teachers are confident you don't need it any more. You had mixed feelings about it as well. In the big picture though, I know this is a GOOD thing. It means you are meeting grade level expectations on your own, and that is huge. You have had a wonderful teacher this year, but unfortunately, she is moving over the Christmas holiday, and you'll have a new teacher when you return from break. That makes me a little anxious as well, but I have confidence that you'll keep working hard and succeeding.

The one subject we certainly never need to worry about with you is reading. You always have your nose in a book. Even if we just have a five minute drive somewhere, you make sure you grab a book before we leave the house, so you can read in the car. You have a fierce love of books, particularly the fantasy genre. You love Rick Riordin, Suzanne Collins, J.K. Rowling, and Brandon Mull. For Halloween this year, you had so much fun being Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games. It seemed so fitting that you chose a literary character. Books are your escape and your love. You are having a ball being a junior librarian this year at school. It is the perfect job for you.

The next big step in school is middle school. You and I toured one school together recently, and I have toured another on my own. After touring both, I felt strongly that the one you and I both saw was the better school for you. It is small, personable, and just gave me a good vibe. The other school was huge, chaotic, and felt like it would be easy to get lost in the crowd (literally and figuratively). It just didn't seem like a good fit. You want to tour both though to make your own decision, and I respect that. I'm just crossing my fingers that you'll come away with the same impressions that I did. We both really loved the first school, so I do know we agreed on that one.

Jump rope still plays a huge role in your life. You have practice 2-3 days per week and performances or workshops almost every weekend. You love it, and I cherish seeing the spark in your eyes as you talk about it and celebrate accomplishments. You chose to stay on the performance team this year instead of trying out for the competition team. As much as you love jump rope, I think you wanted to avoid the extra pressure that comes along with competition. That is probably a good choice for your personality. You love the fun of performances but don't have a very competitive nature. Jump rope is really a happy place for you. This year, you don't have a tight knit group of friends at school. You get along with people fine, but you don't have the close relationships you might like to have. You said to me one day, "One reason I love jump rope is that I feel like I fit in so well there. I have something in common with everybody, and I have so many friends there."  I can't think of anything more important than a group like that as you head into middle school. Regardless of the ups and downs of middle school social life, you know you'll have your jump rope friends by your side. That is priceless.

You are still involved with Girl Scouts although this year there seem to be a lot of scheduling conflicts between Girl Scouts and jump rope. Jump rope usually wins out. The troop is still important to you though, and I'm glad you're sticking with it. I think Girl Scouts can be another place for you to maintain good friends during the turbulent middle school years. Can you tell I'm just a wee bit anxious about middle school?  I'll try not to make you too nervous about it as I quietly gnaw on my fingernails off your first couple weeks of school.

Overall, I think you're in a good spot right now. You are coping well with the change all around you. You are holding your own at school and have found a hobby you love. You are growing and maturing rapidly. I have a feeling this year is just the beginning of a lot of change over the next few years, and I have no idea if your dad and I are ready for it. I think you are though.

Happy belated 11th birthday, Elise!

Love,

Mama

Letter to Elise, age 10

Dear Elise,

I was reading back through some of my past letters to you and noticed a common thread. Many of them start off with an apology for the letter being late. September must be a busy time. Once again, I'm late with this letter (by a full two months this time), but I figure by the time you reach 10, you dont change much between 10 and 10.16. Right?

Double digits seem like a big deal, so the celebrations were big this year. We were at the beach with the M family on your actual birthday, so we had a nice dinner at Channel Marker in Atlantic Beach. You received exactly what you had asked for - the American Girl doll, Marie Grace. You are still very much a doll girl at heart. As many of your friends have moved on to make-up, iPods, and cell phones, your wishes remain with dolls. You are growing up but not too fast, and I think that's wonderful. Enjoy your dolls. You have the rest of your life to play grown-up.

After dinner, we came back to a beachy birthday cake. Leave it to a beach grocery store to pull out all the stops with a tropical cake. It was nothing if not bright and festive.

Birthday extravaganza number two was a hotel slumber party with friends which was a perfect way to ring in the double digits.

School still has its ups and downs, but I think you're in a good spot. Retaining you last year was definitely the right decision. Writing is your toughest subject. You're excelling in math though, so maybe you are taking after your computer geek parents.

Your big news this year is that you tried out for and made the performance jump rope team. We are so proud of you! You have worked incredibly hard and are so thrilled that you made it. I loved seeing your face when the coach told you you had made the team. You were just beaming with pride. You have been practicing constantly to learn all the new performance routines. I think the whole experience is really good for you - the confidence builder in making the team, the feeling of accomplishment every time you check off a new trick, and the fun and comaraderie of being on a team. I couldn't be happier, and neither could you. You've done one parade so far and have several performances scheduled in the next few weeks. It is definitely making our already busy lives busier, but I think it is all worth it.

Your girl scout troop is still a big part of your life. You are working with a patrol on your bronze award this year. Your team is creating a care cart for a cancer center. It is a big project, but you guys are working hard to earn the bronze award by the end of the school year.

When you're not busy with school, scouting, or jumping rope, you love to play with friends in the neighborhood, knit, and read.  You and Nina still have the love/hate crazy sister relationship. Day to day, we never know which it is going to be. You are a sweet second mother to Addison who has been an especially difficult 3.5 year old lately. You're going to make a great mom one day.

Keep on jumping and working hard in school.

I love you,

Mama

Letter to Elise, age 9

Dear Elise,

Today you turned nine. We celebrated tonight with turtle cupcakes. You are a bit of a turtle fanatic. Ever since doing a school report on turtles a year or two ago, you have loved turtles. You claim to be obsessed with them. Imagine my surprise when I made a late-night last-minute trip to the grocery store last night for a birthday dessert and found turtle cupcakes! What were the odds of that? I'm just picturing the baker making cupcakes that day thinking, "OK... I'll make some plain bright colored cupcakes, and some Disney character ones, and some with flowers on top... oh! And turtles! Yes... the ever popular turtle-topped cupcakes!" 

Anyway, to say that you were thrilled with the turtle cupcakes is an understatement. It was like turtle heaven for you.

I think nine is going to be a good year for you. I just have a good feeling about it. You are repeating third grade this year and doing it with more maturity and class than I could have ever imagined.  You know it was the right decision for you, and you stand up to anyone who makes comments about it. You are gaining confidence in yourself, and that is a priceless reward for what was a tough parenting decision.

 

You recently moved out of your shared room with Nina into the guest room. You were in need of a quiet space that was all your own.  Initially, we weren't sure whether the move would be temporary or permanent. It has been such a positive for you though that we are going to convert the room into being yours long-term. The ability to truly get away from the chaos of two little sisters is really important to you. You hide away in your room and read... and read... and read. You have become a voracious reader lately. We can barely keep you stocked in books. You fly through your stash every time we go to the library. You take a book with you everywhere. You have been reading a lot of classics like Black Beauty, Anne of Green Gables, and The Story of Dr. Doolittle. You love them all. I hope this is the beginning of a lifelong love affair with books.

You have decided to take a break from tumbling. I think that is a good decision. You seem to have plateaued in skill level, so it is a good time to try something new. You have talked about piano, but I'm not sure what you'll end up trying next. You are still very active in your Girl Scout troop and are looking forward to a troop camping trip next month.

Overall, I just feel like you're in a good place right now, like your world is coming together. You are past the illnesses of last year. You are doing better in school and feeling more confident as a result. You appreciate the privacy of your own room, but you help out around the house a lot too. I think nine is your year!

I love you.

Love, Mama

Letter to Elise, 8.5 Years

Dear Elise,

I am a couple weeks late with your 8.5 year letter, but tonight marks one year since your awful bout with ITP, so I figure this is an anniversary of sorts anyway. Knock on wood, your platelet counts have remained pretty stable since August. We are still overly cautious about any bruises you get, but much to your relief, we have stopped the weekly finger pricks.

You are on my mind a lot these days. Life just seems hard for you, and that weighs heavily on me. School continues to be a challenge. Boys are starting to notice you, but it is hard for you to understand that their teasing is just their way of getting your attention. You are such a sweet, sensitive girl, and I think it is tough being thin-skinned when you are eight.  The beginnings of teasing and flirting with boys is frustrating and upsetting at times. Girls are starting to play their little catty girl games, and you get your feelings hurt easily. Part of me wants you to toughen up a bit, but part of me doesn't want you to lose that wonderful innocent sensitive soul. Hopefully you can get to a happy medium at some point.

 

Although school is not much fun for you right now, you are definitely enjoying some of your activities outside of school. You participated in the science fair this year for the first time, working hard with two close friends on your erosion project.

 

You attended the Father Daughter Dance again this year which is such a magical night for you. You have been a daddy's girl since you were tiny, and you get such a twinkle in your eye when you talk about the dance.

 

Girl Scouts keeps you busy. You sold 272 boxes of cookies this year which was quite an accomplishment considering you had competition from Nina for the same base of customers. Your troop is still going strong, and you have two fun overnight events coming up this spring - a bridging event at Girl Scout camp to bridge up to Junior Scouts, and an overnight at the Great Wolf Lodge paid for by troop cookie money. The past two weekends, you have gone to a horse outing (where you learned you are allergic to horses! Oops!) and a sun/water safety outing.

 

You have been enjoying gymnastics but due to difficulty in getting homework completed, you will be switching back to tumbling as your after school activity. We're hoping that will make life a little easier.

You were thrilled this winter to be the narrator for the first time at drama camp. You were beaming up there on stage.

You love to spend time with friends, color with chalk, watch iCarly, spend your allowance on Ice Breakers, peruse the American Girl catalog, read, play hide and seek, and arrange your stuffed animals on your bed.

 

I wish school and homework weren't such a big stressors for you. Your worries, fears, and insecurities become mine, but we're working through them together.

It is hard to believe that next time I write one of these letters, you will be NINE... your last year in single digits. You have given me 8.5 wonderful years so far... thank you! I can't wait to see where life takes you next.

I love you,

Mama

Letter to Elise, 8 Years

Dear Elise,

You turned 8 this week, and wow... what a wild ride your life has been since your 7.5 year letter. Less than a week after I wrote that letter, you were diagnosed with ITP (Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura) and have been hospitalized three times over the last six months because of it. You have been so brave and understanding in dealing with this disease wreaking havoc on your life. You make me proud. When I had to tell you last week that you couldn't jump in a bounce house because I thought your platelets were low, you pouted for only a second or two and then ran off to find another fun activity. You didn't let it get you down. When we had to reschedule your birthday party because you were in the hospital, you just jumped right into planning a new celebration. You've gotten accustomed to the finger pricks and make guesses about your platelet counts when you go in for your weekly checks. We're still learning about this disease and how to manage it, but you have really taken it in stride. You can rattle off all sorts of facts about parts of blood to anyone who will listen, and when we've had to go to the hospital or hematology clinic, you make it your responsibility to pack up a bag of books and activities, knowing you'll need them. We're hoping the course of this disease is short-lived, but only time will tell.

You are working hard in school and love to read. School is posing some challenges for you this year as the workload has ramped up in third grade, but we're working on some strategies to help you out with that. You always aim to please and want to do well in school, so hopefully we can make some changes to ensure this is a great year for you. 

I think you have enjoyed having Nina start kindergarten this year. It is fun having her on the bus, at your school, and with you at track-out camps. She plays the role of "pesky little sister" very well, driving you absolutely crazy at times, but at the end of the day, you two have a wonderful bond. When you're not at each others throats, you are playing marvelously together. It is fun to watch the two of you playing with your American Girl dolls, singing Hannah Montana songs, being silly in the pool, and doing crafts together. I hope you have a lifelong sister bond that stays strong.

Outside of school, you are taking tumbling which you seem to really enjoy. The coach is great, and you are slowly but steadily improving with your handstands, round-offs, cartwheels, and back bends. You are also still very active in your Brownie troop, having fun at overnight troop camp, a sleepover at the baseball park, and all the usual meetings and activities. Your troop this year has the exact same roster of girls from last year, and it is a great group of girls. You have a neat close circle of friends in the troop.

This has definitely been a rough few months for you physically, but mentally, you've stayed strong through all of it. You are a sweet, loving, conscientious child, and I love you very much. Happy 8th birthday!

Love,

Mamma

Letter to Elise, 7.5 years

Dear Elise,

Technically, this is a 7.5 years, 1.5 weeks letter, but hopefully you won't hold that against me. Things seem to be a little rocky in your world lately. I'm not sure if it is the age, pressures at school, the approaching end of the school year, or just one of those phases. Every day we seem to ride your roller coaster up the mature, sweet, helpful hills and down into the sassy, bossy, emotional, drama filled plunges. This morning's meltdown was over a shirt that had gone through the washer and dryer with a sticker on it, and the evening ended with a saucy attitude that got you in trouble. Maybe you're just finding your way in the world. You're not a little kid any more, yet still so young. You're gaining more responsibilities but not much more independence. We'll get through it though. These ups and downs are all part of life.

School is going well. You're really loving reading now and learning to take advantage of quiet moments in the car and in the morning before breakfast to read your favorites, the Rainbow Fairy series, the American Girl series, and others you bring home from the library.

You just finished up a month of swim lessons and are still taking gymnastics. You have decided you would like to try cheerleading though, so we plan to switch to that soon. I think cheerleading may be a good fit for your personality, so I'm anxious to see how you like it. I have a feeling you will.

You are still very active in Brownies, and if you participate in too many more events, I'm not sure how I will attach the patches. Your vest is nearly full. You're learning a lot and having fun though, so I'll just have to get creative. You sold 332 boxes of cookies this year, surpassing your personal goal of 300, so you were proud of that accomplishment. I managed to survive as Cookie Mom for your troop this year which was practically a full time job. Maybe one day, you'll look back and remember with a little pride that your mom was the Cookie Mom one year. I remember my mom tackling the Cookie Mom role and our dining room filled with cookies, so I bet you will too.

You are thrilled about your upcoming trip to Texas where you'll spend five days alone with your grandparents, Jo Jo and Bubba. I know you're excited about swimming in their pool, going to the park and American Girl Bistro, but I also know part of the allure is the thrill of being old enough to stay there by yourself. What a great adventure!

 

The next few months will bring a lot of change - starting cheerleading, going to Girl Scout camp, going on your first trip by yourself, starting third grade... maybe part of the current struggles are a bit of anxiety about the future. I know you'll do great though. You always make change look so easy. Maybe we don't always see that there is a little anxiety behind the bravado.

I love you Elise! Thanks for 7.5 years (and 1.5 weeks) of fun and love!

Love, Mamma

Letter to Elise, 7 years

Dear Elise,

 

Seven years ago today, the world was still reeling from the events of September 11, and we were welcoming a new life into the world. It was a scary time to venture into parenthood, but we felt so blessed to have a new precious life to celebrate in the midst of all the chaos.

 

You are our drama queen, and that started on day one. You came bursting into the world in a hurry, giving me a fourth degree laceration in the process. Until you learn what a fourth degree laceration is, I'll spare you the gory details, but it isn't pretty. In the hospital, I became known as "fourth degree", as in, "Oh, you're the fourth degree, aren't you?" and during grand rounds, "And here we have a fourth degree." The day after we came home from the hospital, we raced back to the emergency room when I had an extremely high fever. We spent several more days in the hospital juggling our lives as new parents, learning how to care for a newborn, and battling my infection.  You definitely gave us a run for our money that first week of your life. You knew how to stir up some drama even then.

 

Now you are seven years old, and it is clear you're beginning the transition to becoming a sweet young lady. Years five and six were a bit hard on all of us, but we've seen a lot of change as you approach seven. The all-out tantrums and melt-downs after school are fading away, and we're seeing a polite, fun, helpful girl start to emerge. You could still win a prize in any tantrum contest that comes your way, but those moments are no longer part of our daily routine.  Nina still knows how to push your buttons better than anyone, but you're learning new ways to deal with your pesky little sister... sometimes leaving the room to play by yourself, and sometimes just giving in to what she wants to ease the conflict. You're not a push-over by any means, but you're just learning an important life lesson - how to pick your battles.

 

 

 

Second grade seems to be going well so far. You've commented that it is "a lot of work", but you're tackling it as best you can. Reading seems to have finally clicked for you, and it is so exciting to see you now reading for fun. Reading was such a test in frustration in kindergarten and half of first grade, but you get it now, and you're learning to love it.

 

I don't think you've found "your thing" yet, but you have tried dance, soccer, and gymnastics and enjoyed them all. You do love to ride your bike which makes your dad exceptionally proud! I think eventually your passion in life will be something artistic - drama, art, or perhaps a craft. Your face just lights up when you go to art or drama track-out camps.

 

 

 

 

Some days, I wish I had your self-confidence. You can walk into any track-out camp or park, not knowing a soul, and find a new friend within minutes. That's a great skill to have in life. I hope you never lose it.

 

You have always been a Daddy's little girl, and that is still true today. You start off every day by coming to his side of the bed to greet him in the mornings, and he is the one who always seems to know how best to comfort you when you're upset. You have a special bond with your Daddy, and I think it is because in some ways, you are a lot like me. He understands how you tick because he understands me.

 

 

 

I think seven is going to be a great year for you, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of the sweet young lady you are becoming.

 

Happy Seventh Birthday!

 

Love,

Mama