House of Estrogen

Good Morning to You Too, Hon!

This was my alarm this morning: "Ann! WAKE UP! There is water leaking in the garage. I don't know where it is coming from, whether we have a busted pipe or a broken hot water heater or what. There are COOKIES in the garage! I have to leave to drive the middle school carpool. You have to go down there and monitor the situation. If you need to start moving cookies in the house, I suggest you wake up Nina!"

Um, have you seen my garage lately?  "Moving cookies inside" is no trivial task.

Water is now turned off to the house. Small waterfall in the garage has ceased. Cookies are momentarily safe... until someone needs to take a shower or wash their hands.

A commenter on my last post called Girl Scout cookies "devil biscuits."

Damn devil biscuits.

And So It Begins...

Welcome to my garage.

2014 in Girl Scout Cookies

It is January, and if you have been reading this blog very long, you know what that means... Girl Scout cookies. It means blog pictures of the girls sitting at booths hawking cookies. It means angry, bitter blog posts from me where I vow to never again be a Girl Scout cookie mom. Before life gets ugly, and I disappear off the face of the Internet, I thought I'd share a fun video that Girl Scouts of the USA put out - the Top 10 Cookie Worthy Moments of 2014. It is cute, and really quite funny. Enjoy!

 

Mother Daughter Camping Trip

Nina's Girl Scout troop leaders had been throwing around the idea of a mother-daughter camping trip for a while, but they were getting resistance from a few of the moms. There are a few moms in the troop who "don't do camping,"  so the troop leaders had to be creative in their planning. A compromise that seemed to be agreeable to everyone was renting the staff house at a Girl Scout camp. We would have heat, indoor plumbing, and a kitchen, but we would still sleep in sleeping bags on the floor, and could cook over a fire if we wanted to. Honestly, it was the best of both worlds. I do love sitting around a campfire, but forgoing the tent was fine with me.

We went a few weeks ago. After arriving Saturday afternoon,

the girls gave us all a tour of the camp.

Then they hopped up on stage and gave us an impromptu concert.

Next they showed us the cabins where they stayed on their last camping trip.

After the grand tour, it was time for the mother-daughter soccer game.

There was no way my old lady hip would allow me to play soccer, so I volunteered to be the official referee and photographer. Fortunately, it didn't seem to bother anybody that the referee didn't actually know any soccer rules.

After the soccer game,

we got the campfire going,

cooked some hot dogs,

and just enjoyed some quality mother/daughter time in the great outdoors (just steps away from our indoor plumbing, kitchen, and heated sleeping quarters).

Of course, we ended the evening with s'mores, as every good camping trip should.

Apparently, the troop leader and I have different opinions on what a "per person serving of s'more ingredients" should be. My definition is something along the lines of "Bring enough for everyone to stuff themselves silly. You can never have too many s'more supplies."  Her definition was, "One graham cracker, one half a chocolate bar, and two marshmallows per person."

Shocking, right? I'm not sure what planet she is from. The s'more debacle could have ruined the weekend. Thankfully, another mom had anticipated this serious marhsmallow shortage and brought another bag of marshmallows. I had some Thanks-a-lots in the car (what good cookie mom doesn't carry around Girl Scout cookies at all times?). Together, we solved the crisis.

The next morning, we headed home after a fun weekend of girl time, songs, games, campfires, laughter, and marshmallows. I'd say the weekend was a big success.

 

Random Facts about Girl Scout Cookies

If you have been reading this blog for long, you know that this time of year, I disappear off the face of the Internet. The $*&^# cookies are here, and that is all you need to know. For lack of ANYTHING else to blog about because there is NOTHING else in my brain besides cookies, I thought I would share a few facts, thoughts, and otherwise useless bits of information about Girl Scout cookies.

 

• There are two bakers for Girl Scout cookies, Little Brownie Bakers and ABC Bakers. If your local Girl Scout is trying to sell you Samoas, Tagalongs, Trefoils, and Do-si-dos, then your area of the country is supplied by Little Brownie Bakers. My girls, on the other hand, are selling Caramel Delights, Peanut Butter Patties, Shortbreads, and Peanut Butter Sandwiches because ABC Bakers makes our cookies.  People get very angry and oddly possessive over these differences. They feel very strongly that whatever names they remember as a child are the RIGHT names, and the others are the WRONG names. Really. Get a grip, people. It DOES.NOT.MATTER. The girls all know both names. If you ask for Samoas, she will hand you a box of Caramel Delights. If you order Peanut Butter Patties, Tagalongs will arrive at your door step. The girls speak both languages. Just eat your cookies and get over yourself. One cookie name does not a better cookie make. If it really bothers you that much, stick to Thin Mints. They have the same name everywhere.
• Have you heard about the new Gluten-Free cookies? Maybe from The Huffington Post, The Today Show, or The L.A. Times? Despite all the hype, they do NOT sell. Not only are they the worst selling cookie by far, they are the biggest pain in the ass of a cookie mom. They are $5 instead of $3.50, so all those spreadsheets I've been using for years that calculate everything for me? Useless. They aren't the same price as every other box of cookies, so all the math that people are in the habit of doing at booths? Worthless. Gluten-free cookies don't count toward the girls' sales totals, so the girls have little incentive to sell them. They don't help the girls move toward a specific patch, prize, or goal. According to all these articles, Americans are begging for gluten-free cookies. I wish some of those Americans would move here. We are feeling successful if we sell even one package at a cookie booth.
• My husband says I am becoming an angry, bitter cookie mom. There might be a wee bit of truth to that. Just sayin.
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• I have been told that crushed Shortbreads (Trefoils for you Little Brownie Baker folks) make an excellent crust for a cheesecake.
• If you click on the hashtag #girlscoutcookies in Instagram, at least half of the pictures are of a strain of marijuana named "Girl Scout Cookies".  It makes for an odd collection of pictures... cute girls selling cookies at cookie booths along with baggies of drugs.
• Someone asked me at a booth on Monday if we were still selling the Mango Cremes because they were her "favorite Girl Scout cookie EVER."  Who is this woman? How could the Mango Creme possibly be her favorite cookie ever? It was horrible. It smelled like sunscreen. I'm just baffled that someone actually came looking for them. Maybe I was on candid camera? I was being punked? I'm pretty sure I just laughed in her face.
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• "There's an app for that."  Yes, there is a Girl Scout cookie finder app. Download it here. I'm not even joking.
• When Elise was a Daisy Scout, Daisies were not allowed to sell cookies. This policy has changed, and I don't know why. Have you ever tried to work a cookie booth with a bunch of kindergarteners? It is painful. Exhausting. Miserable.  I think they need to reverse that policy. At cadette booths, I sit back, drink my coffee, and let the girls do their thing. Occassionally, I run a credit card through my phone. At Daisy booths, I am either trying to keep the overly excited five year old from digging through the money box, or I am corralling the shy six year who has hidden under the table. They make for cute little props, but the moms end up doing all the selling. That's not my job.
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So there you go. Maybe you have learned something today. Want to buy some Girl Scout cookies?

Coldest Cookie Booth EVAH

Normally, we put the cookie boxes out on the table for display. On windy days, sometimes a couple will blow off. Today, entire cases of cookies were blowing off the table. I was warmer yesterday at a cookie booth while it was snowing.

I'm not entirely sure I will ever thaw out.

From a Disgruntled Cookie Mom

Dear Parents of Girl Scouts who have never been Cookie Moms,

When you get an email from the cookie mom begging and pleading for volunteers to work a booth because there are still troop cookies to get rid of, don't reply back with "X is done selling cookies this year."  It is not the responsibility of the cookie mom to sell all troop cookies. It is the responsibility of the whole troop. If the troop doesn't sell all the cookies, then the troop eats all the profits, literally. Just because you want to be "done" doesn't mean you get out of helping the troop get rid of troop cookies.

When you see the cookie mom at the mall working at a cookie booth because your daughter is "done" and the cookie mom has had to drag her own daughter out there to work yet again, don't say, "Oh! I didn't know we had a booth out here today."  That just tells the cookie mom that you didn't read her email begging for people to work the booth. She'll likely get really pissed off when you don't read her emails. It is disrespectful.

When you call the cookie mom from a booth and say, "Where is Mr. X with the cookies?", and she tells you, "Didn't you get the email saying that the booth was starting at 12:30 instead of 12? Mr. X should be there by 12:30", don't say, "Oh, uh, I don't know."  Again, that just tells the cookie mom you didn't read her email. It pisses her off, and you don't want to piss off the cookie mom. Otherwise, you might get stuck with the job next year.

When you actually read an email from the cookie mom begging people to work booths and you respond with, "Can't you just transfer the cookies to other troops?", to the cookie mom, that comes across as, "What, are you stupid?" especially when she spent the night before driving to three different houses all over town transferring cookies to other troops.  It isn't that easy. Toward the end of cookie sales, every troop is looking to offload the same cookies. Nobody wants the Peanut Butter Sandwiches and Shortbreads you have in stock. They want the Thin Mints and Caramel Delights.

If you're a troop leader, don't go out of town the first two weeks of cookie sales. That just puts more pressure on your already frazzled cookie mom. If you don't go out of town, you won't tear your ACL skiing and won't have to have surgery the last week of cookie sales which stresses out your cookie mom even more.

When the cookie mom shows up with a car full of cookies at the Girl Scout meeting to give everybody the additional cookies they ordered, when she asks you, "So, what did you need?", don't look at her like she is stupid and say, "Remember? I sent you that email asking for two boxes of Peanut Butter Patties?"  NO! she does not remember. It was one of the 87 cookie related emails she has read in the last 2 days, most of which were about ordering, transferring, or trading some number of cookies. She did not memorize your order. Just politely tell her what you need.

For the few of you who do read and respond to cookie mom emails and help out with booths the last week of cookie sales, you are a rare breed, and cookie moms everywhere love you and appreciate you.

Signed,

Disgruntled Cookie Mom

Feminist, Lesbian, or Communist?

I thought my biggest Girl Scout obstacles this month would be counting change, keeping up with the cookie inventory in my garage, and finding good booth locations. Now, Indiana State Representative Bob Morris decided to add to my plate. According to his letter to lawmakers, the Girl Scouts are a radicalized organization that promotes the homosexual lifestyle, sexualizes young girls, encourages abortion, and is a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood. Morris believes that all Girl Scout role models are feminists, lesbians, or Communists.

Wah?  How have I been involved in Girl Scouts since I was in first grade and never known this? Have I been living under a rock?  And all this time I thought those camping trips were for fun, for girls gaining independence, and for bonding with friends.  I guess I have been completely brainwashed by the Girl Scouts' radical agenda, and I didn't even realize it. 

Well, heck. I try to be a good role model to the girls as cookie mom. While at booths, I teach them how to count change properly while handing out pro-choice pamphlets with the change. While going door-to-door selling cookies, I encourage good manners, looking people in the eye, and always saying thank you, especially to the homosexuals who buy cookies.  I guess that makes me a feminist, lesbian, or Communist. Decisions, decisions!  I'm fairly confident I'm not a lesbian. I suppose I could be called a feminist, but that sounds kind of boring compared to the other two. I think I shall be a Communist!  Yes... a Communist I shall be. I will sell cookies while wearing my rainbow stripe t-shirt with "pro-choice" on the front and a hammer and sickle on the back.  That's the Girl Scout way.

Anyone want to buy some Girl Scout cookies?

Cookie Mom Humor

The job of Girl Scout Cookie Mom isn't one I would ever characterize as "fun", "enjoyable", or "full of laughs".  Better descriptions would be "time sink", "mind-numbing", or "pit of despair". I took this video tonight, then watched it and realized how totally pathetic my life as a Cookie Mom is. Check out the way I laugh at about 0:41. This is about as exciting as life gets during cookie season.

M.I.A.