So much of parenting is a balancing act. With a baby, you walk that line of when to go in to comfort them, and when to let them cry a bit in hopes that they go to sleep on their own. With a toddler or preschooler, it is all about picking your battles. Are you going to battle over eating asparagus? Wearing a princess dress to the doctor's office? Or wearing pink and only pink every day of the week? They so desperately want to be independent. As a parent, finding the balance between encouraging that independence and not letting it run you over is a challenge.
There's also another wire to walk... when to rescue your child, and when to let them tough it out and learn life's lessons. This week, Elise started swim lessons at a new pool. I had very carefully studied all the class descriptions and chosen the class that I thought best suited her skill level. As soon as the class began, it was clear to me that it was way over her head (pun intended). The poor little thing looked like a drowning rat. My mothering instincts told me to race over to the side of the pool, pull her out, and tell her we'd find a different class for her. The other side of me watched how the instructor was doing a great job with her even though her skills clearly weren't matched up with the level of the rest of the class, and I thought perhaps I should just step back and watch. Life isn't always easy. Challenges get thrown at you in life, and you don't always have the skills to succeed. In some situations, you may be the smartest in the class or best on the team, but the converse is also true. I could tell she was feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and a little scared, but at the same time I could see that the instructor was doing his best to allay those feelings. As hard as it was, I just watched and let her continue the class.
When I saw the program director, I spoke to her to see about getting Elise in the lower level class for the remainder of the session. They were able to switch Elise with a child in that class who needed to be moved up. The lower level class was a shorter class that had just ended. Elise's class still had 15 minutes remaining. I walked over to Elise and said, "I got you switched into an easier class for next time. I know this one was really hard for you." She panted, out of breath, and said, "Yeah... really, really hard." I said, "Do you want to go on home now? Or finish out the class?" She cheerfully said, "finish out the class!"
It was one of those days when I felt like I had walked the balance beam like a gymnast. Sometimes, you just have to turn off that rescuing instinct and let your kids take on a challenge on their own. The class was clearly too advanced for her, but the instructor must have helped her feel like she was succeeding. I had thought she'd come out of the pool hating swimming and never want to go back, but instead she came out excited about the next lesson. I'm so glad I didn't yank her out when my gut told me to. She did great in her next lesson in the class that was more suited to her skills, and she loves every minute of it!
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