House of Estrogen

Life is Just One Big Smackdown Sometimes

Tonight was supposed to be my mini-escape. I was going to take two hours off from my job as mother, wife, caretaker, diaper-changer, cook, nose-wiper, dish-washer, taxi-driver, ice-pack-fetcher, referee, housekeeper, and lunch-packer to get my hair done. My poor neglected hair and psyche were in need of a boost - both in highlights and spirit. My appointment was great. I got my fill of quiet and US Weekly while the stylist made my hideous roots magically disappear. I looked in the mirror, admired my new do, felt rejuvenated, and got up to leave. Then, suddenly, I was down - flat. on. the. floor. I don't think I've ever gone from standing to floor that fast. My right shoulder, right hand, and left knee all throbbing, I picked myself up off the floor, dusted all the hair clippings off my clothes, and looked around to figure out what jerk had shoved me down. I realized I had somehow hooked my foot behind the foot rest of the chair when I got up. Ouch. So much for feeling energized and refreshed... I just feel bruised and broken. Clearly, we haven't shaken that hex yet. Sigh.

Sink or Swim?

Sorry for the lack of blogging lately, but right now I'm teetering between a desperate dog paddle to the side of the pool and lying at the bottom of the deep end with the weight of my world chained to my ankle. I thought my load was heavy before Monday. Then J.C. crashed, and the load just got exponentially heavier. The trashcan in the kitchen that used to empty itself every couple of days now overflows until I figure out I have to be the one to take out the trash. The kids who used to have a ride to track-out camp now depend on me for every ride every day everywhere they need to go.  The diaper pail that used to get dumped when the stench was overwhelming now stinks up the house until I find the time to take it out. The baby who cries during the night now has only me to comfort her. The dishes piling up in the sink don't get washed any more. I think I need to buy paper plates. I know we'll get through this, and I'm hoping J.C. will get upgraded to a brace with some range of motion in the next few weeks, but for now, things are hard. Most days, I feel like I'm drowning, but I'm clinging to a few floatation devices to keep me afloat...

1. Stronger, by Kanye West. Yes, I know he's an ass. I probably shouldn't support his music career, but I bought that song before he was such a jerk to Taylor Swift, so I don't feel too guilty listening to it. Repeating, "N-n-n-now that that don't kill me can only make me stronger" over and over to myself is a good mantra right now.
2. Starbuck's gingerbread - slices of heaven, that stuff. If I gain 50 pounds while J.C. is crutch-bound, you'll know why.
3. Addie's hugs.
4. The gorgeous Carolina blue skies that come out between the rainy days. There are also a few remaining trees with bright red leaves hanging on for me. Once the leaves are all gone though, I am done with fall and winter. Bring on spring, please.
5. Candy Cane Joe Joes - my other seasonal love. Trader Joe's and Starbuck's know how to nail seasonal comfort food. Part of the above mentioned 50 pounds can also be attributed to Candy Cane Joe Joes.
6. Friends and neighbors who have carted my kids around and brought us meals.
7. Hot baths at the end of a long day. If the baby cries while I'm in the tub, she just has to wait.
8. I Gotta Feeling, by the Black Eyed Peas because how can you not smile when you're singing that song? I haven't been smiling much lately, but that one still works on me.
9. McDonald's and Wendy's, while horribly unhealthy for my kids, I figure an overdose of fast food for a couple of weeks is better than their mother having a mental breakdown over trying to prepare a well balanced meal and clean up after it.
10. J.C. trying desperately to help out when he can. There's only so much he can accomplish from his perch on the couch, but he tries hard.

I bow down to all the single parents out there. Thankfully, I am not one, but I'm getting a taste of it with this injury. It is HARD WORK. I have an enormous amount of respect for moms and dads parenting solo. I'll be glad when my partner in parenting is back on his feet. For now, I'll just keep on treading water.

REJUVENATED!

I apologize to my blog readers for the sad, neglected state of my blog this week. I was feeling rundown, under the weather, overwhelmed and just a bit overrun by life. I'M BACK NOW.  After a weekend at the beach with five other mommy friends (we are mothers to a collective 16!), my spirit has been renewed. I spent ALL DAY Saturday bobbing in the ocean water, lazing around the lazy river, or lying in a beach chair reading a book. I had no children to save from drowning, nobody begging me for snacks, and nobody to reprimand about throwing sand. It was just me, the waves, and a book. As much as I love going to the beach with my kids, it isn't nearly so relaxing as being there with friends.  I did feel a huge scoop of mommy guilt on my shoulders when I heard from J.C. that Elise spent the entire day Saturday vomiting or sleeping on the floor curled around the toilet. How could they possibly survive without Mom there? Guess what? They lived. Elise was feeling better by that evening and by Sunday she was bouncing around like she had never been sick. J.C. was totally up to the task. While I did feel guilt at the time for being away, I have to selfishly admit that it was so very nice to be lying on the beach reading all day missing out on the vomitfest at home. Kudos go out to J.C. for not begging me to come home early!  I took very few pictures over the weekend, but here is one from dinner Saturday night. This was our one meal where we didn't have comically bad service. I think our husbands put some sort of "worst waitress in the restaurant" curse on us before we left. The tray full of glasses of soda spilled all over us at the restaurant on the drive home was like icing on the cake of a weekend of bad service. Even a lap and purse full of sticky soda couldn't bring us down though. The weekend reinvigorated all of us to come home, hug our children, be more patient and kind with them, tackle the all the school issues we discussed over the weekend, and just jump headfirst back into mothering with a recharged soul. It was just what I needed.

Communication Breakdown

My toddler and I are having communication issues these days. I'm beginning to wonder if we're even speaking the same language. Is she learning Russian somewhere and doesn't understand English any more? So far, today has gone like this.

Me: "Do you want breakfast?"

Toddler: nods head

<attempt to put toddler in booster seat at the table>

Toddler: "WAAAAHHHHHH"

Me: "But I thought you wanted to eat?"

Toddler: nods head

<attempt number 2 to put toddler in booster seat>

Toddler: "WAAAHHHHH", accompanied by full blown tantrum

Me: "OK, you go take a break in your bed. Let me know when you are done with your tantrum."

Toddler: "WAAAAAAHHHH", on and on and on

<a few minutes pass>

Me: "OK, so do you want to eat?"

Toddler: nods head

Me: "OK. If you are going to eat, you have to sit in your seat at the table. Is that OK?"

Toddler: nods head

Me: "OK, I'll get you out of bed, so you can go eat."

Toddler: "NOOOOOOOO"

<after several rounds of this, breakfast was eventually eaten, and we ventured down to the beach. Our conversation there went something like this.>

Toddler: <pointing to big sisters playing in the ocean> "Eh! Eh! Eh!"

Me: "You want to go out in the water?"

Toddler: nods head

<venture into water>

Toddler: "WAHHHH!!!" (translated as "Woman! How can you possibly think I wanted to go into that water? Have you lost your mind??")

<repeat that scenario about 5 times, then move up the beach to play in the sand>

<Toddler sits in grown-up beach chair which folds up with her in it. As comical as this may have looked to an outsider, Toddler was none too happy about it.>

Toddler: "WAAAHHHHH"

Me: "Here, why don't you sit in the kid sized chair? It won't do that to you."

<Toddler refuses, sits back in adult chair. Repeat above about 5 times, finally give up and go back to the beach house for lunch where we have a replay of the breakfast fun. Good times.>

Vacation is supposed to be relaxing, but this child is sucking the life out of me. Instead of feeling relaxed and rejuvenated, I'm feeling drained.  I don't speak her language, and she doesn't speak mine. Anybody know a Russian interpreter I can hire? Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Is It Ski Season Yet?

I'm so ready for ski season. It can't get here soon enough. Didn't know I was a big skiier? Uh yeah... 'cause I'm not. The commencement of ski season, however, marks the transition from mountain bikers to skiiers riding the lifts up and then barreling down the mountains. During ski season, I won't hear, "It looks like it is going to be GREAT weather up at Snowshoe this weekend....". During ski season, I won't hear, "Since I bought a season lift ticket, it is practically FREE to go up there. It would be a crime not to go, what with the good weather and the lift ticket and all."  &*$% lift ticket.

Due to good weather and a season lift ticket, I find myself single parenting once again this weekend. Good times. Nina and Elise's screaming matches are at an all time high. Nina "accidentally" kicked Addie in the head this morning (although when you're hurling your feet wildly around people's heads as your frenzied mother yells, "Stop waving your feet around! You're going to kick one of your sisters!", can it really be called accidental?). Karma wins though. A little later in the day, Nina somehow managed to fall off the toilet and smash her own head on the floor resulting in a lovely forehead bruise. I still haven't figured that one out. I went outside for all of 10 minutes this morning and came back in with about 40 mosquito bites. After arguing over what to have for breakfast (what sort of warped 5 year old turns down going out for donuts?), we finally made it out of the house and to the Farmer's Market. Along with fresh fruits and veggies, I bought some locally raised pork sausage, all of which I left in the car when we got home. Nice. Can the pain from a UTI result in death? If so, I think I'm well on my way. To top it all off, just a few minutes ago, I discovered this lovely artwork on the bathroom door.

  

One might assume it is the masterpiece of a toddler, but odds are easily 50/50 that it is the piece de resistance of an unruly five year old. Considering her American Girl doll is once again in time-out for the star tattoos drawn all over her face, pink highlighter on a door is certainly not outside the realm of possibility.

Last weekend, one of Elise's Brownie friends was over here and said, "It is so crazy here. You guys have all these kids. I think you should have just had two." Gotta love the insight and honesty of a 9 year old! Maybe she was on to something though. Things are just... uh... a tad bit out of control.

So....here's to an early winter, lots of snow, and a long ski season! Here here!

 

A Tale of Two Billboards

Last week, I stumbled across an article about this racy Calvin Klein billboard in Manhattan. I had an immediate visceral reaction to this sign - disgust, anger, and dismay. I understand advertisers wanting to push the envelope with shock value, but to place this ad not in a men's magazine but on a high traffic billboard just goes beyond inappropriate to downright irresponsible. As a mother to three girls, I struggle daily with how to raise strong, responsible, confident young women. Seeing things like this fills my mind with doubt. How do I teach my girls to respect themselves, take care of their bodies, and act responsibly when the world throws these images in their faces?  I can't even fathom how anyone at Calvin Klein or their ad agency could look at this ad and in good conscience make the decision to display this on a huge billboard in the city. Do none of them have daughters? Is their perspective so warped that they can't see the bigger picture beyond the dollar signs? It is so disheartening. Everytime I see something like this, I feel like my job as a mother just intensified, as if this job isn't hard enough as is.

 

After feeling so discouraged about the state of the world in which I'm raising my girls, a friend gave me a glimmer of hope. She just happened to send me an email with a link to an article about Mallory Holtman. It is the most wonderful story of sportsmanship.  Read the article or watch the video, and I think you'll agree. Her selfless act of helping an opponent gives me hope that even in the midst of these disgusting images that degrade and demean women, there are still great women role models out there for my girls. It also helps me believe that there are mothers who have succeeded in the seemingly impossible task of raising responsible, caring, and self-assured young women despite all the external pressures fighting against them.

 

I said this was the "Tale of Two Billboards". Click here to see the billboard that I'd love to see replace the Calvin Klein one. That's what we need to see displayed 3 stories high.

Bittersweet Endings

This was the week of end-of-the-school-year parties. Elise's party was a big outdoor pizza bash to mark the end of second grade. Nina's was a slideshow send-off for the kids graduating preschool and moving on to kindergarten. Both parties were fun and a great way to end the year, but endings are hard too. It blows my mind that in less than two weeks, Elise will be a third grader. She is halfway through elementary school! Didn't she just start kindergarten last week? Where has the time gone?

Here is a picture of Elise on her first day of second grade.

 

And here she is at the end of the year with her wonderful teacher, Mrs. O., and with a close friend, E.

 

Nina's teachers put together one of those slideshows that brings all the mothers to tears... you know the type... the retrospective of pictures of your child from the last two years, set to music like Sarah Maclachlan's "I Will Remember You."  I think preschool teachers must get training in how to tug on the heartstrings of parents! I'm not sure there was a dry eye in the room, but the slide show was really sweet, and it just brings it home that Nina will be a kindergartener soon! Wow! I'm so excited for her, but I know I'll probably be a big puddle of tears when the day actually arrives. These milestones are tough on a mamma!

Here is a picture of Nina two years ago when she started preschool.

 

And here she is today... graduating preschool and moving on to kindergarten in less than two weeks!

With her sweet teachers, Ms. S and Ms. K.

With her old two year old class teacher, Mr. M

 

And with great friends, K and N

 

What a week!

Low Cal, Low Carb, Low Caf Does Not a Happy Mother Make

Dear Family,

The raging lunatic who was stomping around the house this morning, throwing the baby's sippy cup, kicking toys, and yelling at everyone in her path was not your mother. She may have looked a bit like her frenzied, agitated twin, but she was not your mother. Please excuse her behavior. Your real mother promises never again to drop the caffeine cold turkey while simultaneously reducing carbs and calories. Clearly, that did not work out. Your mother plans to return tomorrow with a smile on her face and a tall skim half-caf latte in hand.

Love, Mom

A Little Slice of Heaven

This weekend was my moms-only weekend at Myrtle Beach...nine moms (who are mom to a collective 24 kids) together for a carefree weekend away. We shopped the outlet mall without strollers or whining kids complaining about how long we shopped. We went out to eat at swanky restaurants where we didn't have to request kids' menus or high chairs. We walked on the beach soaking up the sun and ocean breezes without worrying about toddlers racing into the ocean. We sat in the hot tub without attaching floaties to the arms of preschoolers. We drank mojitos and margaritas without concern for what sort of role models we were being. We talked about our kids, both the endearing and funny things they do and the trials and tribulations of sleep deprivation, school issues, autism, and allergies. We talked about husbands, jobs, houses, divorce, death, illness, college antics, books, movies, cars, and memories from past beach trips, all without the interruptions from children to which we're so accustomed. We ate dinner late, lingered over dessert, and went out to sing karaoke (and if you're wondering, no... I did not sing. Let's just say South Carolina *really* likes their country music. I don't think any selection I might have chosen would have gone over very well.)

I was welcomed home with big smiles and even bigger hugs. I can't imagine life without my three girlies, but a weekend without them? That's a different story... it is like a little slice of heaven. Every mom needs an escape occassionally. It does my soul a world of good!

Preschool Plastic Surgery

A few months ago, a bump started growing on Nina's face, not a wart, not a mole, but something, and it was growing bigger by the day. The dermatologist diagnosed it as a cyst. He recommended one attempt at draining it, saying if it returned (which it likely would), it would need to be removed. I wasn't present at the draining appointment, but apparently that was excrutiatingly painful. There was no chance we would get it drained again even if that was given as an option.

I'm not one to generally get queasy about  health issues with my kids. I can deal with the spit-ups, diaper explosions, ER visits in the middle of the night, green boogers, projectile vomit, and most other nastiness that comes with the territory of being a mother. Skin issues give me the creeps though. I can barely stand to listen to J.C. talk about getting moles scraped off. When he has had moles removed that required stitches, the girls are usually the ones to change his dressings and apply the ointment. He takes the girls to all their dermatology appointments and deals with wart freezings, wart burnings, etc. I hadn't even met their dermatologist until recently. I guess every parent has their strengths and weaknesses, and dealing with skin ailments is definitely my weakness. It is a good thing J.C. has a stronger stomach for it or we would be in trouble.

Anyway, the cyst quickly reappeared after the draining. The dermatologist had said he could remove it, but if you could see the Frankenstein-like scars this dermatologist has inflicted on J.C., you'd know there wasn't a chance we were going to let him take a knife to Nina's face. Plastic surgeon, here we come.

Nina's surgery was yesterday, and she did great. The doctor said she could have one parent accompany her, and you can be sure it wasn't me! I read her books in the waiting room in the hospital, provided snacks, drinks, and hugs, but I wasn't setting foot in the O.R.! When I asked J.C. later what it was like being in there, his response was, "Graphic. You definitely made the right decision not going in there."

Anyway, Nina took the whole thing in stride. I'm pretty sure I was more nervous about it than she was. Fortunately, my anxiety didn't rub off on her.

After it was all over, the three of us went out to lunch, and had fun laughing at Nina's lopsided face from the local anesthetic. I was expecting a huge bandage on her cheek, but she just has a little steri-strip covering the stitches.

 

That afternoon when Elise came home from school, Nina said, "Hey Elise! Let's play plastic surgeon! I'll be the plastic surgeon and stick a needle in your face!" So that is what they did.