If you have been reading this blog for long, you know that this time of year, I disappear off the face of the Internet. The $*&^# cookies are here, and that is all you need to know. For lack of ANYTHING else to blog about because there is NOTHING else in my brain besides cookies, I thought I would share a few facts, thoughts, and otherwise useless bits of information about Girl Scout cookies.
- There are two bakers for Girl Scout cookies, Little Brownie Bakers and ABC Bakers. If your local Girl Scout is trying to sell you Samoas, Tagalongs, Trefoils, and Do-si-dos, then your area of the country is supplied by Little Brownie Bakers. My girls, on the other hand, are selling Caramel Delights, Peanut Butter Patties, Shortbreads, and Peanut Butter Sandwiches because ABC Bakers makes our cookies. People get very angry and oddly possessive over these differences. They feel very strongly that whatever names they remember as a child are the RIGHT names, and the others are the WRONG names. Really. Get a grip, people. It DOES.NOT.MATTER. The girls all know both names. If you ask for Samoas, she will hand you a box of Caramel Delights. If you order Peanut Butter Patties, Tagalongs will arrive at your door step. The girls speak both languages. Just eat your cookies and get over yourself. One cookie name does not a better cookie make. If it really bothers you that much, stick to Thin Mints. They have the same name everywhere.
- Have you heard about the new Gluten-Free cookies? Maybe from The Huffington Post, The Today Show, or The L.A. Times? Despite all the hype, they do NOT sell. Not only are they the worst selling cookie by far, they are the biggest pain in the ass of a cookie mom. They are $5 instead of $3.50, so all those spreadsheets I've been using for years that calculate everything for me? Useless. They aren't the same price as every other box of cookies, so all the math that people are in the habit of doing at booths? Worthless. Gluten-free cookies don't count toward the girls' sales totals, so the girls have little incentive to sell them. They don't help the girls move toward a specific patch, prize, or goal. According to all these articles, Americans are begging for gluten-free cookies. I wish some of those Americans would move here. We are feeling successful if we sell even one package at a cookie booth.
- My husband says I am becoming an angry, bitter cookie mom. There might be a wee bit of truth to that. Just sayin.
- I have been told that crushed Shortbreads (Trefoils for you Little Brownie Baker folks) make an excellent crust for a cheesecake.
- If you click on the hashtag #girlscoutcookies in Instagram, at least half of the pictures are of a strain of marijuana named "Girl Scout Cookies". It makes for an odd collection of pictures... cute girls selling cookies at cookie booths along with baggies of drugs.
- Someone asked me at a booth on Monday if we were still selling the Mango Cremes because they were her "favorite Girl Scout cookie EVER." Who is this woman? How could the Mango Creme possibly be her favorite cookie ever? It was horrible. It smelled like sunscreen. I'm just baffled that someone actually came looking for them. Maybe I was on candid camera? I was being punked? I'm pretty sure I just laughed in her face.
- "There's an app for that." Yes, there is a Girl Scout cookie finder app. Download it here. I'm not even joking.
- When Elise was a Daisy Scout, Daisies were not allowed to sell cookies. This policy has changed, and I don't know why. Have you ever tried to work a cookie booth with a bunch of kindergarteners? It is painful. Exhausting. Miserable. I think they need to reverse that policy. At cadette booths, I sit back, drink my coffee, and let the girls do their thing. Occassionally, I run a credit card through my phone. At Daisy booths, I am either trying to keep the overly excited five year old from digging through the money box, or I am corralling the shy six year who has hidden under the table. They make for cute little props, but the moms end up doing all the selling. That's not my job.
So there you go. Maybe you have learned something today. Want to buy some Girl Scout cookies?